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Hi! Welcome to Vertigo's Fun House. Here, you'll find write-ups on unsolved mysteries, riffs of creepypastas/fanfiction, and more. Thanks for stopping by! It means a lot.

Saturday, February 2, 2019

Riff Review 7: Critical Analysis

Cover art for the story.

FiMFiction has a reputation for being a breeding ground of drama; both of stories and of users either going at each other's throats feral dogs fighting over week old meat or having emotional outbursts for self-loathing or some other asinine reason. Now, it is worth clarifying that here are times where a user suffers from genuine problems and their platform of choice is FiMFiction, whether it be due to those that follow them love their creative content or because there's a sense of anonymity on there. But more often than not, everything amounts to a pity party

That's where today's author comes in. LightningSword is an author with over 1,000 followers, a little under four times the amount of followers I ever amassed and either a dedicated fanbase that's become his own personal hugbox. Normally, I'd not include details like this, but it's relevant to the story at hand, to bear with me.

LS—as he's sometimes referred to—has a reputation for throwing pity parties at the same pace the President of the United States sends out tweets, perhaps even more frequently. It's because of this that many have made it a hobby of deliberately setting LS off for their own amusement, and LS responds in kind thanks to his inability to learn self-restraint.

Case in point: Critical Analysis, a supposed satire story that's as much satire as Paranormal Activity is a documentary on the inner workings of copper mining. Let's dig in and see if we can find out why LS is so beloved on FiMFiction or if I'm just ignorant to the quality standards of MLP fanfiction.

First up, let's look at the description.

Nopony likes criticism.

That's not true. I do, though I like criticism that's not blatant attacking on the author. Hence why I don't practice what I preach. That's a joke by the way, learn to take one, LS.

Someday, eventually, somepony will hate something you write.

I know plenty of people who didn't like my writing. One of them was me. Newsflash: you can't please everyone. Oh wait, this is satire. Hurr de durr.

Pinkie Pie is about to learn this the hard way, as she gives her latest story to Twilight to read.

Anything written by the character of Pinkie Pie is guaranteed to be garbage. You seriously had to pick her? Or do you “identify” with her the most? If that's the case, I'm already certain this story's going to be trash.

But as she reads and lists off the story's numerous obvious flaws, things begin to look a bit familiar.

The “numerous obvious flaws”? I'll admit: I'm guilty of putting up nonsense that had just that, but the difference is I didn't care. Assuming Pinkie here was aware of them and considering her character, I have no sympathy for someone who cries over not taking time to fix their super duper spectacular work of literary genius.

Really familiar, actually.

LS is looking in a mirror I guess.

A satire/crackfic written (at 2:30 AM, in about two hours) in humorous retaliation to my numerous criticisms as of late.

1. “satire” and this story go together like Ted Bundy and a young woman. You don't get to call anything you blatantly call “humorous retaliation” against your “numerous” critics. If you have loads of people telling you something's wrong, perhaps it's time you look over your work and think about fixing what's being criticized. Or, if it's about you, change how you act you insufferable twerp.

2. “humorous retaliation”? Your arrogance shines like a supernovae.

Beginning to think I have issues.

That's being RIDICULOUSLY kind.

Partially inspired by my proofing work for lord_steak. Thanks!

I'd be hesitant to take criticism from anyone who themselves can't take it.

Also, my 30th story! Yay!

30 too many given how you react to criticism. Perhaps sewing is more your thing. Oh, no, wait, criticism there. Perhaps you should just get a therapist. Whatever, there's one chapter and it's called “Just don't send this to Equestria Daily . . . .”

Okay, I'm aware that spacing periods to make an ellipses isn't wrong, but it looks really weird to me. That said: four periods? Ellipses are comprised of three periods, not four. Not even past the chapter title and you already screwed up. Ugh, onto the story.

“Twilight! Twilight, I want you to read this! Twilight! Come on, open up and take a look!”

First paragraph and I'm already pissed. LS  captures everything bad about Pinkie and amplifies it a thousandfold! Good job, laddy!

Pinkie Pie rapped on the doors of the palace for a good ten minutes, using both hooves.

Are you trying to make me excited for her to cry the river Nile? Because damn, I have no sympathy for someone so inconsiderate and self-centered. Or is this a desperate cry for help with how you see yourself?

Wound up in the curls of her mane was a scroll; it bounced around in her poofy perm as she banged and shrieked.

From inside, the cocking of a 12 gauge echoed through the castle halls.

“Twilight! Come see what I made! TWIIIIIIIIIILIIIIIIIIGHT!!!”

Then Twilight filled Pinkie with buckshot, opened the door, and threw a phone next to her so she could call 911.

Just as the doors began to open, Pinkie stopped banging and sat down.

What, not going to have Pinkie bash her hooves against Twilight? You've already made her out to be a relentlessly annoying sack of crap, why not go the extra inch?

Twilight Sparkle stood on the other side of the doors, looking at Pinkie with narrowed eyes.

Then a laser beam blast Pinkie's head off and everyone was happy. The end.

“Pinkie Pie, what is going on? What is it you’re so eager to show me?”

Those two sentences are so stiff and awkward to read, they could be used as advertisements for Viagra. Next time: just use “what's” and don't pad your word count.

“Oh, hi, Twilight!” Pinkie chirped as if she hadn’t been trying to break the doors in.

If that was supposed to be funny, I laughed as much as I do when I read about the Zodiac.

“I wrote something really fun, and I was hoping you’d look it over for me!”

I want you all to know that Pinkie Pie is meant to represent LS here and he's showing as much humility here as Tom Brady.

She then smiled and made a squeaky noise akin to a dog toy.

While this sound effect is cute in the show, it loses all effect when written. To aspiring authors: don't do this.

Twilight sighed. “Is that all? Why were you banging on the door for ten minutes just for that?”

Given that this story is about self justification on hating critics because they can harsh, yes. And ironically: that self justification only makes the critics seem more in the right.

Pinkie stroked her chin with her hoof, then shrugged. “I dunno. I’ve been uncharacteristically pushy before!”

Because writers love to use Pinkie Pie as a prop instead of a character. Those writers are what I call “tools” and “hacks”.

She smiled, and made another chew-toy squeak sound.

Because when something doesn't work once, do it again. Sure worked for Uwe Boll!

“Huh? Wait, what do you . . . oh, never mind.”

I still don't like spaced out ellipses. To each their own though.

Twilight shook her head. “Come on in, and I’ll make us some tea.

I didn't delete a quotation marks, LS actually forgot it. I won't criticize though, I don't want to make him angry. That'd be so mean of me!

“Okey-dokey, Lokey!” Pinkie squeaked and hopped inside before Twilight closed the doors.

The perpetual joy Pinkie has inside her is frustrating when writers exhibit it when she's been a monumental dick. She comes across more as a nuisance that should be beaten, not adored.

The two made their way to the kitchen, and Twilight filled her kettle with water and set it on the heat as Pinkie took a seat.

Then Chris Hansen came out from behind a potted plant.

She bounced in her seat like an excited filly, her scroll of parchment almost falling out of the coils of her coif.

A shame she didn't drop it into the kettle because Pinkie is a WaCkY zAnY “character”.

“Okay, let’s take a look at this thing, shall we?”

Then Twilight grabbed the parchment and shoved it down Pinkie's throat and we were all happier and it rained Ben Franklins.

Twilight asked as she approached the kitchen table. She aimed her horn at Pinkie’s scroll and pulled it out with her magic.

She “aimed” her horn? Twilight—unicorns in general—are shown to be capable of grabbing stuff without “aiming”. Why does Twilight have to aim to grab this? Or is it a metaphor for how critics should focus their full attention on stories LS writes because he's the center of the universe?

Aided by telekinesis, she unfurled the scroll in midair and looked on the inside.

This was a necessary detail that adds a lot to the story.

“It’s my story about me!” Pinkie said, grinning.

Just like how this story is all about LS and his self justification for hating teh trollz who hate his masterful works of literature that rival the likes of C.S. Lewis, Philip K. Dick and Sun Tzu.

“It’s about me and my friends having fun in a fictional Ponyville!”

I'll give credit where credit is due: at least LS didn't make Pinkie's story about her being some super great author.

“Hmm . . . pretty good premise, I guess . . . but the setup is a little boring. I mean, in this intro, you’re just going to visit your friend. Not a very good hook. And your friend is a princess? Come on, that’s totally unbelievable!”

Ho-oly crap, this is so stupid I think a few brain cells set off Sarin Gas to off themselves. First of all: this story isn't marked as being in an alternate universe, so Twilight's still a princess her. Second of all: Pinkie said she was hanging out with her friends in a “fictional” Ponyville, so by that logic, she just wrote a made up adventure she had with the other five main characters. That leads me to a few conclusions.

1. LS, for some stupid reason, decided to strawman his critics for disliking his stories where there’s an alicorn (for the uninitiated: that’s a prince/princess/king/queen in the world of MLP) OC. This, as a result, makes Twilight look like a complete brainlet who has the self awareness of, well, LS.

2. Twilight’s incapable of understanding that not all stories start off grandiose. Some start off very casually. This is so out of character for a her considering she’s the biggest bookworm established in the show that it leads me to believe that LS is capable of feats in the way of not being able to write competently that I may need to revise my “inability to write” chart.

3. LS managed to find a way to make my previous riff seem like a better premise than this pile of garbage. Good job.

“Keep reading!”

Not like Twilight or I have a choice in the matter. Twilight’s written to keep reading and if I don’t finish this, I’m going to feel like I got beaten by someone who has as many balls as Lance Armstrong.

Twilight rolled her eyes and continued scanning the parchment, “Mm-hmm . . . yeah . . . what? Pinkie, you should at least explain where a character is if you’re going to name drop like that. What’s the use in talking about a character we can’t see or don’t know where they are?”

This is “satire” in the eyes of LS. Rather than taking a topic that’s normally serious and making light of it—in this case, criticism that bothers our lovely thin skinned author—he instead takes it, over exaggerates it to the point that it has its own gravitational pull, then tries to throw it back at his critics. In the process, it bounces off of a wall and strikes him square in the face and he then thinks that it’s a monumental success because he has the self awareness of a goldfish.

What I’m getting at is: this isn’t satire, it isn’t funny, yet 117 people (likely including LS because you can upvote your own stories on FiMFiction) upvoted this story. 36 people downvoted it. 1.2k people read it. Those 117 people don’t know what satire is. This isn’t it, chief. Not by a long shot.

“Hmmm . . . you’re right, Twilight! I should have written up an extra copy for Spike!” Pinkie exclaimed.

Pinkie Pie, as state plenty of times, represents LS. As a result, I’m inclined to believe that LS is a complete moron and doesn’t understand a lick of the criticism given to him and instead treats it all as words spoken by a dumb dumb doody head.

“Wait . . . what?”

That’s my reaction to all of this, only mind includes a lot more swearing and significantly more empty flasks that once contained Moonshine.

She then hopped out of her chair and yelled out to the room, “SPIKE! HEY, SPIIIIIIKE! OLLY, OLLY, OXEN FREE!!”

Recent studies have revealed what cancer would look like if it were textualized. A photograph was released and this sentence was what it looked like if it were at Stage 4.

Glancing from one part of the room to another, she raced to the entrance and stuck her head outside. “OH, SPIIIKE!” Pinkie pulled her head back in and frowned. “Where’d he go?”

To the attic to hang himself so he didn’t have to be in this story.

Twilight did some glancing too, then looked at Pinkie and shrugged before looking back at the story.

Her face then melted and she died. I envy her.

“I dunno . . . wait, an info-dump? Pinkie, info-dumps are a bad thing, for some reason! I mean, who wants a convenient paragraph in the middle of the page that answers everything you need to know right when you need to know it?”

If this is a genuine bit of criticism that LS gets for his stories and he believes it to be stupid, he’s a bigger moron than I originally took him for. Info-dumps are really stupid. If you need to convey information, have your characters do it for you, don’t give it because you’re too lazy to integrate it cleverly into your story.

Spike was actually on vacation, and was staying in a swanky hotel in Los Equines, courtesy of Celestia. The trip was funded by the Crystal Empire; Spike had taken a great opportunity to use his good standing with them to his advantage.

HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. You’re as clever as Zack fucking Snyder.

“And here, there’s also too much telling.”

Again: if he’s been criticized for having too much telling and he thinks that’s a bad thing: I cannot fathom how this hack of a writer has gotten 1,071 followers. Also, I direct him to my riff of Almost Too Soon, because I sure as shit think he should read something I wrote after I had to sit through this wretched pile of garbage.

“Huh?” Pinkie stopped and stared at Twilight. “’Telling?”

Pinkie may be an airhead like Rainbow Dash, but you can’t tell me she’s written something and somehow never learned the difference between “showing” and “telling”. There’s a boundary on how stupid both characters can be. You’re going so far past the line, you’re nearing the orbit of Pluto.

“Yes! Everyone knows that readers hate knowing exactly how their characters feel! If you’re going to write emotion, you need to be as pretentiously vague and indistinct as possible!”

LS, if you projected any harder with how you think critics feel about you, IMAX would sue you for copyright infringement.

Pinkie Pie, obviously looking sad and downtrodden specifically at Twilight’s comment, replied with a low, downcast voice, “I see.”

Jesus tapdancing Christ, you’re as subtle as Michael fucking Bay.

“And then there’s this part: ‘Rainbow Dash said ‘I’m the best flier in Equestria!’’ I mean, where did she even come from? You’ve gotta introduce characters before just giving them lines in a scene they’re not in!”

Your example story is so terrible, you make me want to rip my eyeballs out and use them in a game of ping-pong. What’s worse is I can see him going, “BUT THAT’S THE POINT! YOU DON’T GET IT!”

Ideally, when writing a story like this, you want your point to be “subtle” with “nuance”. This is beating me over the head with what he wants me to feel that I can’t help but hate the man even more than I already did—and I really didn’t like LS as a person to begin with. This story makes me think of him more as a whining bitch who can’t handle a bit of criticism and instead feels the need to make his critics out to be the biggest asshats on the face of the Earth while he’s God’s gift to man. That’s not how you do satire, that’s how you make yourself look like you have victim complex the size of the Andromeda Galaxy.

“Hello, Twilight darling, what are you reading?”

You. Are. Not. Clever. You. Never. Will. Be.

Twilight yelped and jumped away from the table, then turned to see Rarity, stunning and splendid and sparkling today, more so than usual.

I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE. Guess what: it still isn’t clever.

Her bouncy purple curls and white coat were especially fit of Canterlot nobility. Her hooves were shiny and buffed to perfection, and she also seemed exceptionally fit and trim, as a recent worry about the size of her plot had caused her to go on a diet.

Try making the equine out to be sexier, I’m sure 95% of FiMFiction is furiously searching Derpibooru for some good material to enjoy themselves to you degenerate swine.

“Rarity? But, why . . . how did you . . . oh, never mind. I was just looking at this story Pinkie wrote.”

Then Rarity exploded and everyone died from how bad this story was. The frigging end.

“Mmm, that much I gathered, darling,” Rarity replied. “I mean, she seems to go on a bit too long talking about one specific character. And she’s not even the focus of the story.”

Dear LightningSword,

You aren’t clever.

Sincerely, Vertigo22

P.S. Stop writing for the good of everyone on FiMFiction and take some fucking classes on how to write before you give me a brain aneurysm.

“Yeah. She also doesn’t explain certain things until, like, three or four paragraphs afterward.”

You strawman about info-dumps, then you strawman are not explaining right away. Strawman any harder and you’re going to make a Wickerman you numbskull.

Oh, hello, everypony,” came a voice from the entrance to the kitchen.

It was Jeff the Killer and he killed everyone and this story was somehow better off with that sack of crap character in this story.

The mares turned to see Fluttershy walk in. “I noticed the front doors were open, so I thought I’d check up on you. Everything okay?”

No, everyone was dead from how awful this story is. You’re next!

“Oh, absolutely, Fluttershy,” Rarity replied. “We’re just reading a bit, that’s all.”

I’ve been here for almost an hour because I’m trying to think of clever things to say, but all I can do is rail against how bad of an author LS is. I swear, I’m not doing this on purpose. Even if it is fun.

“Yep-yep!” Pinkie added, smiling. “Twilight’s a proofreader now! She’s reading my fan fiction!”

The ignorance on display from Pinkie in this story is enrapturing. I’ve never seen a more stereotypical display of a character in the name of, ahem, “satire”.

“Hmm . . . a plot device that changes names and purposes halfway through the story? Convenient character entrances? No dialogue tags? Seriously, Pinkie, anyone could be talking right now!”

Oh, this’ll be good. Let’s see how LS manages to fuck this up.

“Yeah, she’s right!”
Took him three words.

“Well, give her some credit. She’s trying!”

Then he kicked the dead horse!

“It’s just not a great attempt, that’s all. I mean, she uses waaaay too many adverbs. I mean, how can I read this if the narration isn’t bland and unappealing to the reader?”

I duno, how did LS manage to take the concept of satire and gut it like it was a pig? Oh right, because like Pinkie Pie, he’s a bad writer and a worse storyteller.

Pinkie slowly lowered her head and lay it gingerly on the table, looking solemnly at her friends and whining pitifully. “Oh . . .” she muttered mournfully, “. . . I . . . didn’t know . . . .”

I like seeing Pinkie Pie in emotional pain. It makes me happy. Keep this up, I may change my mind. Especially since she’s a stand in for LS!

“And there’s another thing!” Twilight pointed out. “And the dialogue tags you do have are way too specific! I can’t be reminded of something a character is about to do that I won’t be too sure they’re doing and why! I can’t know about that stuff!”

Your strawmanning is giving me hayfever.  And how is this worth complaining about? It’s genuine criticism. Most of this is!

“But why?!” Pinkie questioned.

Because like the guy writing you, you can’t write because you have a room temperature IQ.

“Well, it’s just not very good writing, Pinkie,” Rarity addressed. “ Plus, you could be a bit less lazy with your character entrances.”

You could also be less lazy with everything else.

At this point, Applejack walked in. “Hey, y’all, what’s up?” she interrogated.

I hate you.

“Couldn’t help overhearin’, and I thought I heard that Pinkie wrote a story.” she explained. She saw Pinkie at the table and approached. “Come on, relax, Pinkie!” Applejack encouraged. “Just know to make the ‘write’ decisions!” she joked.

Ahahaha—that joke was bad and you should feel bad. For everything. This story is a literary war crime.

Twilight sighed and kept reading. Soon, the purple Alicorn tapped the parchment and said, “There! Too many adjectives! A bad case of Lavender Unicorn Syndrome!”

You actually managed to incorrectly order how that should have gone. And don’t you dare say it was “intentional”, you ruined what I can only assume was meant to be funny.

The alabaster Unicorn nodded. “Well said, Twilight.”

It’s only well said if you have no idea how to do satire!

“Yeah, what’s up with that?” the orange Earth pony asked.

Milk the joke any more and you can tear off the udders.

“Pretty sure we can remember who’s who, even if these characters’re brand new and we ain’t never seen ‘em before, and could forget which is which at any time.”

Funny, I wish I could forget who was talking. That may give me some enjoyment in this asinine shitshow.

“And there’s another thing!” Twilight said and tapped the scroll again. “The way you wrote yourself, you seem way too popular! I mean, ponies wanting to be your friend because you’re kind and they show kindness back to you? Every other main character wanting to help you out when you’re sad because they are all decent characters with similar morality and goodwill toward their fellow ponies? You being sad even though you’re the best party planner in all of Ponyville? And she just happens to be friends with the most important characters of the story? To be honest, you just come across as a self-insert Mary Sue character.”

You strawman Pinkie’s garbage story by making it out to be the entire premise to the show as a means of getting back at your critics. You could’ve done ANYTHING and yet you settled on that. You’re a fucking retard, LS.

“But . . .” The tears began welling in Pinkie’s eyes. “But I . . . .”

This is the best part of the entire story.

“And this part here! There’s totally no buildup to the big climax! I mean, if you’re going to have a character act this way, at least warn us firs—”

The element of surprise is lost on both LS and Twilight. Though I guess it’s surprising how badly he’s managed to make this entire excursion; he’s found a way to take the idea of criticizing critics and make it look like an activity wherein you cry for 1,000+ words and achieve nothing more than making yourself look like someone who’d find enjoyment in playing with their own feces.

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!” Pinkie started to wail.

Wait, no. THIS is the best part of the entire story!

Screaming and letting tears descend like Neigh-agra Falls, she sprang from the table and bolted toward the doors and out of the castle.

And and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and.

“Oh, poor Pinkie Pie,” Fluttershy mumbled. “I wish I could help her.”

I don’t!

“Oh, me too, darling,” Rarity added. “She was only trying to share her writing. Poor dear didn’t expect such harsh criticism.”

Yes she does: her story sucks.

“Yeah, criticism ain’t great,” Applejack said, shrugging. “Course, we can’t grow without it. Still, it’d be best if ponies weren’t such jerks about it—”

The harsh truth is sometimes necessary. There was a user on FiMFiction by the name of Hamster_Master who did this. While I didn’t agree with his methods of how he did it—he often came across as a royal jackass—he had a point with what he did. While pampering and being gentle with criticism is good for a first-time author (this is something Hamster didn’t do; he’d often ream into newbie authors), someone who’s held to a higher standard should know how to handle criticism. If they can’t handle the harsh truth, there’s no point in them being in that field of work. If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen. How this is lost on LightningSword, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get.

“Look! More crap!” Twilight shrieked.

And nobody was shocked.

“These characters are written totally wrong! She wouldn’t react this way! And she would never treat her friends like this! I mean, it’s like everypony in here is written way too much out . . . o-out of . . . ch-character . . . .”

Oh, gimme a break. This is the super big ultra great “I get it now” moment? It’s somehow less subtle than the rest of the story.

An awkward paused made the air swell in the room. For that moment, time seemed to stand still.

Hardy har har, I see where this is going.

“Well . . .” Fluttershy muttered, glancing at the parchment, “she does make nice metaphors.”

It’s a commonly used one. Nearly every author uses it at some point.

“Yeah . . .” Twilight said with a nod. “Yeah, she does. I guess . . . .”

Only in a self justifying story would that be called a “nice metaphor” and get the backing of someone who’s been strawmanned as every critic of the author.

There was another weighty, cumbersome pause before another voice could be heard. “Hey, Twilight! Check it out! I just finished writing the coolest fanfic, and I want you to see it!”

Bite me, LS. Bite me and rip a chunk of my flesh out so I can say you did something good for once.

The girls turned to see Rainbow Dash zooming into the kitchen, a roll of parchment tucked between her own hooves as if holding a newborn. Her features looked as lively and luminous as a lightning bolt.

Haha, because her cutie mark is a—oh forget it.

“Sure, why not . . .” Twilight grumbled and took up the parchment with her magic. “Should just open up a drive-thru proofreading service . . . .”

That’s probably the only genuinely decent line in this entire story and it still sucks like a black hole.

This time, she unrolled it to read herself, turning away from the others and taking several long minutes. There was the occasional hum of contemplation and sniff of disapproval.

Oh for God’s sake...

After about twenty minutes, Twilight rolled the parchment back up and sent it floating back to Rainbow Dash. Dash took it back and gave a super-wide grin. Well . . . whattaya think?!”

Because when you can’t end a story, just have everything repeat like a perpetual cycle that you cannot possibly fix by listening to criticism.

Twilight inhaled, bringing her hoof to her chest, then extended her foreleg upon exhale.

Breathing exercises don’t work when reading a story by LS. The only remedy is either really good music or really heavy booze.

“Rainbow Dash,” she said plainly and without inflection, “allow me to explain to you in full and merciless detail why this story is the most disgusting, awkward, foul, cringe-worthy, and worthless excuse for literature since that one vampire book named after me. And having just read Pinkie’s crap, I can definitely vouch . . . .”

Because the two dumb ponies are the two best strawman candidates. That word has lost all meaning thanks to this story, but I don’t care. Also, this story has an E rating on FiMFiction, yet you used the word “crap”? Questionable.

Spike, having returned from his vacation, stared at Twilight after her explanation. “So . . . that was ‘perfectly reasonable and totally objective criticism that Rainbow Dash should have learned from and thanked you for’, huh? I take it she doesn’t take criticism well?”

Lemme guess: she takes it about as well as LS.

Twilight, ink coating her face and head, a quill pen jammed in each ear, and a large roll of parchment stuck up her butt, replied simply, “No. She doesn’t.”

An E rating, yet Twilight got anal. I’m glad to see LS has as great a grasp on the rating system of FiMFiction as he does with writing.

That’s LightningSword’s self-fellatiating story dedicated to getting back at mean, nasty critics who he thinks hate him for being himself. If you found any enjoyment in this nonsensical sack of trash, I envy you. I can’t find anything this hack of an author did correct. If he, by some chance, finds his way to my blog: I got news for him. Man up, get thicker skin, learn to write satire and not a story dedicated to pissing over those who have legitimate grievances with how you write, and quit being a whiny bitch.

Now before I go, I want to take a look at the comments. I’m sure there must be some gem down there. Oh, here’s one! This was a blast to read! Liked + faved!

What a frigging moron. Who in their right mind left that comment!?

Comment left by Vertigo22: #23, March 29, 2016, 2 Thumbs Up, 1 Thumbs Down

I hate myself so much.


  1. Dear LightningSword,

    You aren’t clever.

    Sincerely, Vertigo22

    P.S. Stop writing for the good of everyone on FiMFiction and take some fucking classes on how to write before you give me a brain aneurysm.

    This, all of this. Never has anyone deserved this more than Lightning Specialsnowflake. Hell, I can't believe I was even associating with the ass at one point. Now, what I'd like to see happen is him gettina reaction to this review, hilariously given what the topic of the story in question is. Hell, send it to him, and let's see what happens. Predictabley, he'll probably go up and cry and his hugbox but it'll still be funny. (Yes, I'm that cruel.)

  2. Tyler "Bio" RodriguezFebruary 7, 2019 at 10:14 PM

    Oh my god... this reminded me of the Jamie Kennedy movie Hecklers. It sounds like its about hecklers but in reality it's him giving a middle finger to his critics. Just as clever too.