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Hi! Welcome to Vertigo's Fun House. Here, you'll find write-ups on unsolved mysteries, riffs of creepypastas/fanfiction, and more. Thanks for stopping by! It means a lot.

Sunday, February 17, 2019

Riff Review 15: Happy Appy Original Thread

As I stated in the first part to my Happy Appy riff, that story wasn’t the original one. Indeed, the original Happy Appy is a forum post on Roblox back in 2010. So I guess that explains why the main character in the actual story goes to Roblox to search for information on the show. Anyways, to pretend that I can steal the thunder from Dorkpool, this is my riff of the Happy Appy: Original Thread.

Does anyone here remember Happy Appy?

I do and it pains me every day when I open up Google Documents. Also, this story is indeed told in the exact same format that Kris Straub’s “Candle Cove” is told in. It’s definitely a format that I like and one that can be used to creatively have a puzzle be put together, but as you’ll see, this story doesn’t come anywhere close to what that story accomplished.

It was this old show back when I was like three, and I remembered, and it was on Nick Junior.

I’m shocked that you can remember what you watched when you were three. Especially when you consider the sort of details that follow. The thing about Candle Cove was the details were sparse and everyone contributed to creating the image of what the show was. Here, it’s… well, let’s continue.

It started with like, happy appy was some nice dude who was an apple and he would help kids with cuts and stuff, but as the episodes progressed, happy appy was getting sort of a menacing smile when he helped the kids.

Like this. The first poster immediately starts to describe things about the show. It doesn’t start with a vague image; it jumps right into telling us all about this show.

Eventually, there was reports of kids getting nightmares in the complaints thing,

To the story’s credit: sentences like this work since this is meant to be a forum post. The same goes for typos, which help to make the entire story more believable since, well, it isn’t a normal story. That said, this still bothers me. As is the case with the actual Happy Appy story, the show aired in 1999. While the internet existed, it wasn’t the beast it is today. So I have to ask: what is this “complaints thing”? Did parents mail Nickelodeon complaints? Or did Nickelodeon have an online service where you could send feedback about shows? Either way: this is somehow manages make a story format where descriptives like this work and makes it not work. Good job, author.

so after a final episode, which wasn't even showed on nick junior because it was to violent.

“Eventually, there was reports of kids getting nightmares in the complaints thing, so after a final episode, which wasn't even showed on nick junior because it was to violent.” This is the full sentence and again: this format for telling a story can allow for a lot to go back because let’s face it, not everyone on the internet uses proper grammar. That said: exactly what in God’s good name did that sentence mean and does anyone have the number for a good brain surgeon because I think I have an aneurysm.

Happy appy went around picking up kids in his van and would just slaughter them.

Good to see that the OG story understands escalation as well as the actual story does. Like father, like son.

The video was never shown on TV, but I just stumbled upon that last episode somewhere online and watched it.

So just like the actual story: Nickelodeon assigned dumbest people on Earth to make sure that all traces of the show’s existence were erased. Smooth.

Starting a new Candle Cove, are you?

To be fully honest: I kinda like this meta angle. It’s clever, but it’s not used enough to amount to anything more than a tacked on idea that I think might’ve been written in at the last second. A shame, it adds a bit of flavor to an otherwise bland story.

I remember that show.

You do? Then why don’t you give us some extra detail so we can advance the story after the info dump that Chipper gave us above? Oh right, because that requires effort and anything associated with Happy Appy is trash.

And ugh, I remember since nobody video taped it, there was like no proof of it on,

I’m sorry, but what do you mean there’s no proof that existed!? You just said that you watched the last episode online! Unless that video was DMCA’d by Nickelodeon (which would be very fishy in the eyes of me if this story were real), there’s proof of it freely available for viewing online you dimwit!

but happy appy was really just a clay model with a mouth drawn on it and it didn't move, and it was a puppet show.

This description of Happy is scarier than any collective one from the actual story and it’s still as scary as a bag of ramen. To put it simply: an apple, sapient or not, doesn’t strike me as something that’s inherently scary. Coupled with the lack of movement, especially the lack of lip movement, and the fear factor drops down to nil since the would-be scary character comes across as a victim to Medusa.

Now, all the evidence is that last episode, which I am currently trying to re-find, and all there is besides that is remakes poorly drawn in MS Paint of a red apple with a smile on it.

There have only been four posts and half of them are from one person whose sole purpose was to provide info dumps that would’ve been better suited for multiple replies from a few people to help us piece together what this show was like. It sucks all of the fun out of slowly learning about this show. That’s ignoring the rapid escalation, but I could let that slide if that had an interesting enough pay off. Having read this story though, I can safely say that it doesn’t.

Good luck making this as widespread as Candle Cove.

This is a nice tension breaker and yet it breaks no tension. What a pity.

I remember that clay thing on clubhouse disney.

This is… kind of interesting; the idea that this show was broadcast on a Disney channel. Though I won’t continue because I can hear the Mouse’s lawyers at my doorstep already.


Ikr? this story is SO bad. Like, wow, i can’t even.

I thought that was a dream!

It was, you just need to go deeper.

I have a very faint memory of that happening and I always though it was a dream to this day!

Okay, I’ve let errors slide until now, and while I’m guilty of repeating myself like this: it’s still frustrating to read things like this. If you want to write a story—no matter what the format—try to refrain from having your character repeat details like this. Also, my Inception joke feels more appropriate now.

I remember the episode where Happy Appy was patrolling in his van

Then he got out and ran up someone and yelled, “Get on the ground!” and the Cops logo appeared.

and found a child with a bruise.

It turned out the kid didn’t have a bruise and Happy mistook a mark on a nearby tree for one because he was two feet taller than any of the kids.

And then I don't remember after that.

This makes me wonder if Chipper is really Happy or the guy who created him since he remembers a helluva lot more than anyone else.

It was when I was like, 1!

How in the world do you remember things from when you were 1? I can barely remember things from when I was five!

Yeah, and happy appy would be like "What do you need to put on for this booboo?"

And a crowd of kids would reply, “Morphine!”

and then he would just stare at the screen for like 30 seconds and be like "That's right! A band-aid!"

This still pisses me off. It’s a bruise, not a dang cut! I understand that some bruises can lead to slight bleeding, but c’mon. Also: where in the world are the adults? Are the kids playing in a sandlot or something? Or does the world of Happy Appy take place in the same world as Mad Max?

and when he stared, it always gave me the chills.

I’ve complained about the “his stare is SUPER scary!” aspect enough in my riff of the actual story, but I want to still state that it isn’t scary here either.

I think it was on all the baby channels, it may have been on playhouse disney, but I only remember it on Nick Junior.

So I take it that PBS aired this show too? Was it aired before or after Sesame Street? Or what about Cartoon Network?

I guess I'll be hunting for the episodes if anyone needs me.

Be sure to bring your buckshot!

Did some research....

“Greenland isn’t green at all! It’s actually covered in snow!”

FYI: this link is dead, but since it’s a part of the story, I’m keeping it in. That said, I think it’s a stupid idea to have real links in your story that will one day go dead. Don’t do it if you’re writing a story unless the link leads to one of your own blogs/websites.

Like 5 posts in that thread mention Happy Appy.

So: Happy Appy has been discussed before, but nobody who commented in any of those posts is commenting here? There are five of them, did everyone in those posts just quit playing Roblox altogether?

Happy Appy sortof looked like the koolaid guy but in apple shape,

I don’t see it beyond them both being red and having arms, eyes, and a mouth.

and his mouth was just drawn on there and it stayed open in a smile all the time.

The above image makes it look more like his mouth is a separate clay model.

Posted about this in RT.

RT? What’s that? Rottentomatoes? Russia Today?

Happy Appy was some fad from last month, right?

This is the best commenter so far. I like you, Boeing717. You’re smart.

It was a show and then some dude made some crappy MS Paint Remakes as decals and started it as a fad.

Wait, he use MS Paint to recreate the episodes? I can’t imagine that would’ve looked at all good.

Ahhh, I remember. Heres the guy that made the remakes, it's in his decals.
Did you typing everything you thought as you wrote this? Or did you post multiple times and Boeing (or anyone else for that matter) never posted in that time?

This link isn’t dead, though I can’t verify if this guy did any of these remakes; I can’t find them.

Nice try starting another creepypasta

“Happy Appy” and “creepypasta” go together like a rabies and a human.

Chipper, I think you're DreamLucid, you were the one with all the mind tricks.

Something something Star Wars reference.

This would be a good creepypasta though.

Suddenly, that liking just tanked like The Lone Ranger.

No boeing, this was real.

“For realzies, this is as real as Reptilians! Trust me, I have proof Obama is a lizard!”

I seriously can remember happy appy on that metal stick walking through that school playground helping children that got hurt.

Why is it always a metal stick, yet every bit of art I find shows him on a popsicle stick!? Can metal sticks come in that sort of appearance or are fan artists really just that inept that they make Happy out to look more like a candy apple?

I also remember when the switched from the bent rusty model of the stick he was on was switched with a much nicer, yet still bent model.

The creators of the show took the phrase “get bent” too literally, so they made Happy out to have scoliosis.

And his Van would always play the show's theme song in it's radio…

Glad to see that even in the original story, Happy’s van was still named Van. Might as well have Happy say, “Van, go!”

It was something along these lines, in the tune of mary had a little lamb;

“Happy had a little jam whose blood was red as slough.” Look, I’m not good at rhymes, so just deal with it.

Happy happy appy hap! Appy hap! Happy appy happy app! He helps kids every day!

How in the world is that anything like the tune of Mary had a Little Lamb? That sounds more akin to… I dunno, Dora the Explorer.

or something like that, and it repeated like 3 times.

I said it in the other riff and I’ll say it again hear: brilliant lyrics the likes of which no musical artist could ever hope to achieve. Bravo.

I wonder if anyone remembers tha- nah....

“That episode where Happy sold the kids to a building!”

Monster House 2! Coming soon to a theater near you.

That episode couldn't have been real, it must've been my imagination xD

Considering how you’ve mentioned how Happy already slaughtered children, I doubt that anything could possibly have been your imagination. This is the problem when you escalate things too quickly; trying to tease something that’s worse than what you’ve already established was done lets the reader know that little is off the table in the way of violence or something else along those lines.

I kept getting nightmares.

The new Nightmare on Elm Street sounds pretty dang good.

I dreamt that happy appy's face peeled back revealing a rotting apple core.

This is still a pretty interesting detail that I wish was expanded on in the actual story and think one. A shame that neither does it (yes, I checked, and the actual story never mentions this “rotting apple core” again).

Scared the crap out of me then, I laugh about that stupid dream now.

You actually directly ripped off an entire scene from Candle Cove here. Like, note for note, beat for beat. I don’t know how this slipped by me when I first read this, but realizing it now, I want to scream. Admittedly, the idea of Happy having a rotting apple core inside of him despite being a clay model is very interesting and quite cool, so I could excuse it being a rip off… had it been done better. As it stands, this is so inexcusably lazy and shameless that a lot of the good will I had towards this story was just crushed like a carpenter ant. Shame on you, author, for being this transparently lazy.

But it was a recurring dream.

Again, keeping up with the ripping off. Cut me a break. I don’t know if this qualifies as plagiarism in a way since it isn’t copying it word for word, but this is the exact same as one of the most well known moments from that entire story. Gimme a break.

But after I forgot about Happy Appy, I never had the dream again.

You forgot about it because… you did. I admit that I can repress memories after a bit, but it seems like the recurring dream would make it difficult to forget about such a thing.

Wait..... Meltorian....

“Your name as ‘Rian’ in it. Are you Rian ‘Big Subversion’ Johnson?”

Did you just read my mind or something?

I love the inclusion of “or something”. Because clearly, Meltorian went ahead and took out the thought directly from Chipper’s head and put it in their own so they had the thought and then put it back before he noticed. Or something.

No... Impossible.

This line is so overly dramatic, I want to fall out of my chair laughing.

I think that happy appy must've just gotten a cut.

If a mere cut caused Happy’s skin to fall down to reveal his core, then that must’ve been one helluva deep cut.

Didn't the kids help him heal it after that?

Yeah, after about 12 hours of surgery and a whole lot of blood loss. Or… apple juice loss?

I think we both just mistaked it for the wrong thing.

How exactly do you mistake “skin falling off to reveal his insides” for something else? That seems like an oddly specific thing. Are there other instances where Happy’s skin fell off to reveal certain innards that we’ve yet to be introduced to? Did his skin once fall off to reveal his appendix? His lungs? His upper esophagus?



His face just peeled off and he stared straight at the screen, and that's when I stopped watching it......

So what, SpongeBob would later do the same thing.

For those curious: here’s the full scene.

This episode of SpongeBob aired in 2008, nine years after Happy Appy supposedly aired. While that is a decent amount of time and what was considered “okay” to air on TV definitely changed between then and now, it strikes me as odd that the author would try to pass this off as “scary”. Surely the memory of Happy’s rotten core wouldn’t be so scary nowadays. Though if you wanna go further: Courage the Cowardly Dog first aired in 1996, and that definitely had more horrifying things than a rotten apple core.

I guess it wasn't a dream.

Yeah, I’d say it was a nightmare.

But he clearly did not get a cut.

No shit, he got skinned alive by… uh… a Skinwalker? At least in the actual story, this happens when Happy goes to the sight of a crashed plane, so one could plausibly say the heat from the fire caused him to melt a bit. But here, you just say it came out. Surely if you had that nightmare enough times, it should be burned into your memory.

His skin just peeled back, in a way that I didn't think was even possible for that clay model and it just revealed like, green rotting apple core.

Oh, remember the tower episode?

Oh come on.

Some plane crashed into 2 towers, and people were screaming and stuff.

There was a kid stuck underneath the rubble crying,

Considering the amount of dust that must’ve been in the air, and the amount of inhaling he must’ve been doing, I doubt that that kid would be conscious. If anything, I think he should’ve suffocated, if not have passed out. But hey, I should’ve known better than to assume that this story had the brains to not include this moment

One of the kids asked if they should help get him out, but happy appy said "It's natural, kids" and dragged them away.

The more I think about it: the more I think this is the appropriate thing to do. Given that there’s no doubt burning debris and an incredibly large amount of dust in the air, putting a child in mortal danger to try and save someone is probably not the wisest move. Especially when emergency services are likely en route to the scene.

"its natural kids" lol

Hey, don’t laugh: it’s one of the only good lines in the entire story!


But...Wasn't the show on BEFORE 9/11 happened?

Okay, I may get some flack for this, but I want to just say: this story could have, technically, had this moment work and be a pretty wicked note to end on. As it stands, it doesn’t feel exploitative like the actual story, but it doesn’t exactly carry any weight to it. It’s more a “that happened” sort of moment.

Considering that this story has a stronger structure than the actual story, it’s capable of building more tension since the idea is that multiple people are contributing to what’s essentially a large jigsaw puzzle that’s slowly being pieced together. This scene would, naturally, be the final portion to the puzzle that should have been the ultimate “oh shit” moment. However, rather than having that build up, this story drops it on us and it feels… very weightless. Which is a shame, because had it been done well, I don’t think it would’ve been exploitative. I actually think it would’ve been really dang effective, and a nice twist of the knife to add an extra layer of insidiousness to a show that the writer tries to pass off as something with multiple layers of evil to it.


Conceptually, sure. In execution, it’s as creepy as My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

And that’s “Happy Appy Original Thread”. Compared to when I first read it, I don’t think it’s as bad. It’s definitely more competent than I recall, at least having the decency to be a bit self aware with how it’s structured just like Candle Cove. Many of its grammatical errors are acceptable considering the format it went with. I also do like a few of the elements it introduces, such as the rotting apple core and Happy’s line with the two towers episode of, “it’s nature, kids”.

That said, the story has so many flaws that ruins so much of the good will I may have had for the story. The blatant copying of one a scene from Candle Cove is shameless, inexcusable, and downright lazy. The rapid escalation ruins any chance of tension being built since we know right off the bat that Happy murders kids because creepypasta. To top it all off: the big shocking scene at the end is dropped on us without so much as a bit of build up since we know right away that it’s referencing 9/11 and feels like a mixture of exploitation and the author not quite knowing how to end a story.

In the end: this story isn’t the worst I’ve ever read, it definitely shows some potential compared to what was inspired by it, and it definitely makes me think that the format that Candle Cove was told in is one that offers a lot of great potential for authors who want to have a large puzzle pieced together by multiple characters, and to explore the unreliable nature of the human memory, but this story is a good example of how not to write a story like that.

I do apologize if this riff wasn’t as funny or joke-filled as the others have been by the way, I wanted to take the time to try and look Happy Appy’s origins with a more analytical scope. Tell me if it worked or not and I may substitute some riffs for more analytical ones to spice things up at times.

1 comment:

  1. I have you know that My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is horrifying. How else would Derpibooru survive.