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Hi! Welcome to Vertigo's Fun House. Here, you'll find write-ups on unsolved mysteries, riffs of creepypastas/fanfiction, and more. Thanks for stopping by! It means a lot.

Tuesday, February 26, 2019

Mini Mystery 10: Jerome of Sandy Cove

Brief preface: I dedicate this blog entry to my friend The Bricklayer. Happy birthday, Brick!

Now then: every now and then, there comes a story that reads more like a short story rather than a real mystery. The Man from Taured is a great example of this: a story passed around decades after it happened and no mention of the incident prior to that.

But while that mystery may be more firmly rooted in myth than reality, the world is filled with many unidentified individuals; the United States having as many as 40,000 according to Wikipedia. Some of who are later definitively identified and their stories finally closed. Those that aren't are typically the victims of foul play, their bodies either too badly decomposed for positive identification or nobody coming forward to identify the body as a friend, acquaintance, or loved one.

Then there are stories like Jerome of Sandy Cove. A story that reads more like The Man from Taured, only it's verifiable it happened.

Monday, February 25, 2019

Conspiracy Corner 2: Christopher Asher Wray

When it comes to the administration of President Donald Trump, there's so hear-say that trying to piece together one claim is nearly impossible before three more come out. Whether it's the feuds with former FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe, Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein, Attorney General Jeff Sessions, or his disagreements with former Secretary of Defense James “Mad Dog” Mattis, you can count on there being some sort of drama that exists.

One target of this drama comes primarily from Trump's supporters: current FBI Director Christopher Asher Wray, A registered Republican, Wray's been described as a non-partisan lawman and very quiet, which is apparent given how little he's seen in the public eye for conferences. To some, this is a sign of a man who dedicates himself to his work and hos job. To others, it's a sign up something more sinister and evil.

A sign of a deep state puppet.

Wednesday, February 20, 2019

Mini Mystery 9: Kryptos

When it comes to the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), there are a plethora of conspiracies and mysteries surrounding them. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that when there’s a major event related to geopolitics, you’re guaranteed to see someone mention the CIA. Though there’s one in particular that I don’t see mentioned nearly enough, at least in my eyes. It’s name is Kryptos and it’s one of many unsolved ciphers. But since it’s the CIA, it’s naturally significantly more mysterious and magnetic when it comes to the tinfoil brigade.

Sunday, February 17, 2019

Riff Review 15: Happy Appy Original Thread

As I stated in the first part to my Happy Appy riff, that story wasn’t the original one. Indeed, the original Happy Appy is a forum post on Roblox back in 2010. So I guess that explains why the main character in the actual story goes to Roblox to search for information on the show. Anyways, to pretend that I can steal the thunder from Dorkpool, this is my riff of the Happy Appy: Original Thread.

Thursday, February 14, 2019

The Truth Behind: The Saint Valentine's Day Massacre

Valentine’s Day has often been referred to as a “Hallmark holiday”. A day when people have excuses to either make candy bracelets, buy schmaltzy cards, or bouquets of roses for their significant other. Suffice to say, I’m not a fan of the holiday, but to each their own.

That said, there is another side to this oh-so beloved (and loathed) holiday that I do happen to love. It’s a day that lives on in infamy and legend in Chicago. A time when law didn’t rule, but rather crime did. It’s an event known only as the Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre and today marks the 90th anniversary of what is often called the most legendary Mob hit job. So let’s dive into this story and both learn about it and the theories as to who the hitmen were.

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Top 20 Favorite Creepypastas

I may not convey it well, but I do like creepypastas. It just so happens the vast majority aren't very good. Still, I do have some I really like. So, after four months, here are my twenty favorite creepypastas.

Monday, February 11, 2019

Riff-Review 13: The Rake

I wanna say right off the bat that I love this story. It’s very simplistic in nature and the central creature is so basic in its design that it’s one of my go-to creatures for when I want to try and write a horror story. Now for the downside: it’s a creepypasta and it’s not very long. So let’s take a gander at The Rake.

Sunday, February 10, 2019

Riff-Review 12: Cats

I've been posting cat pictures each day on a Discord server I'm a part of. As such, I thought it'd be fitting I tackle a creepypasta that featured cats. With that said: here's Cats.

Saturday, February 9, 2019

Riff Review: Happy Appy (Part Two)

Hello, dear reader! I hope you're having a super spectacular day Welcome back to the riff of Happy Appy. I want to preface this entry by mentioning a few things that I learned about this story. The first is that even this version—the “original version”—was written by someone at the age of 13 or so. They did so with the intention of having it be as drawn out as possible and yes, to be as horrible as possible.

I'm skeptical of this.

This story, as you'll see, is so absurdly elaborate and ludicrous that I can't quite fathom a 13 year old being capable of weaving all of this together. Is it impossible? Absolutely not. But do I find it probable? No. Nonetheless, believe what you wish to believe. I have no reason to make you believe my point of view. The author may very well have been trying to make the most unreadable creepypasta ever, but it sure doesn't read like something that's meant to be bad. To me, it reads no less intentionally bad than the original Jeff the Killer.

The second is that the “true vision” expands upon a lot the “original vision” doesn't. This I expected, but I refuse to restart and wouldn't even if this story was short because it'd offer a lot less comedic potential. After all: the original is always better!

The third is the biggest though. I've learned there's an official sequel to this story entitled “Happy Appy 2: Dumb Angel”. It's almost 10k words longer than this story. I'll definitely be riffing that story, but not any time soon. Maybe around the summertime. For now, let's recap.

When we last left off: we saw that our nameless author was getting more suspicious of the kids show that had a scene depicting 9/11 in 1999. We also saw that his friend, Kevin, was likely killed by a sapient apple. Now then, let's dive back into Happy Appy!

Thursday, February 7, 2019

Mini-Mystery 8: Ricky McCormick

The man in question.

I've been doing a lot of riffs as of late and I'm deeply sorry to anyone who doesn't enjoy them. Don't worry: they won't replace mystery blogs. It's been an excruciatingly painful—emotionally anyways—past twenty days. As such, the riff blogs have been a great outlet for me to channel most of my stress and aggravation. A shame it isn’t all of it.

That said, I wanna try to get back into the swing of things. So, let's briefly discuss Ricky McCormick.

Wednesday, February 6, 2019

Riff-Review 11: Knock-Out's Annoyance, Blueblood's Bad Day

I’m going to preface this by saying that I know next to nothing about the Transformers series. All of my knowledge comes from the Michael Bay films and according to friends of mine that are fans of the series, along with a snippets of reviews I’ve seen from fans on sites like YouTube, those films disgrace the name. In spite of that however, I still think the series is quite cool. Giant, talking alien robots that can transform into cars, jets, tanks, and guns (among other things)? That’s wicked! A shame I’m terrible at watching television.

Now pair that up with a series like My Little Pony and… well, let’s just dive into my good friend The Bricklayer’s story: Knock-Out’s Annoyance, Blueblood’s Bad Day and see what ensues.

Tuesday, February 5, 2019

Riff-Review 10: Happy Appy (Part One)

Back in October of last year, I did a list of my top 20 least favorite creepypastas. At the top spot was Happy Appy. It’s a story that I admitted I never finished due to how abysmal it was. From its… well, everything. Everything about it is awful. Nothing works. That changes starting today however as I shall begin a multi-part riff of this story. I think it’ll be the first full riff, at least from what I can tell. I found a blog that had I think three parts done, but it wasn’t anywhere close to finishing the story. Oh well, I hope those looking for a riff of this story and stumble across this blog enjoy what they read.

Now then, before we dive into this 20,000+ word abomination, let me preface this by saying this is the “original version” of the creepypasta and not the “true vision”. The latter was “engineered” to be one of the worst creepypastas ever made. From what I can tell by skimming it though, it’s the exact same story, but with better grammar and descriptives. So I can only guess the selfmade claim it makes is just referring to it not fixing any of the plot issues. I think also bears mentioning that Happy Appy’s origins are not with this story, but with a Candle Cove ripoff. I may riff that down the line, but if you’re curious, here’s a hyperlink to a riff of that story by someone named “Dorkpool”. So with that said, let’s dive into this story.

Monday, February 4, 2019

Riff-Review 9: smile.jpg

If you don’t send this riff of smile.jpg to five other people, you will die in 3 days.

Saturday, February 2, 2019

Riff-Review 6: 1999 (Part One)

Oh boy. I've wanted to talk about this story for over two years now. Let's not waste any time. Let's dive into 1999.

Friday, February 1, 2019

Riff-Reviews 4&5: Jersey 77 and The Woman in the Oven

The great thing about horror is you can have it work no matter the length of story. As such: I love short horror stories. It can showcase the talent of an author and their ability to set all the necessary parts to a story up in a paragraph or two.

On the flip side, you get stories like the two we're going to discuss. I call them Jersey 77 and The Woman in the Oven.

Riff-Review 3: The Expressionless

World's best poker face.

As of late: I've been doing “Riff-Reviews”. I hadn't intended to keep doing them, but due to next month beginning another daily blog post series, and today being the start the shortest month of the year (and the month of love), I think I'll keep doing them do stem the tide between now and what March is going to bring us. So, let's shake things up and move on from stories I dislike. While riffing is often reserved for bad stories, I want to do a story that I genuinely like—heck, it'll be on my Top 20 favorite creepypastas whenever I get to that. So without further ado, let's dive into The Expressionless.

Mini Mystery 7: The Wessex Way Monster

Run, run, run, run, run, run awaaaaaaay.

The idea that there other sentient—or sapient—humanoids on Earth is by no means a new one. Whether the idea is that of little people such as gnomes or elves, or that of surviving ancestors of humans in the form of Bigfoot or the Yeti. Alas, evidence for these creatures is sparse. The word of someone can only carry so much weight before you have to put faith into it to believe their memory isn't misremembering details.

That said, photographic and video evidence is another thing. Although hoaxes exist, and will until the day the universe ends, it's much easier to dismiss what is fakery. As a result, we can set our attention on what deserves it: the evidence that's we can't disprove. Which brings us to today's mystery: The Wessex Way Monster.