Search This Blog

On This Blog...

Hi! Welcome to Vertigo's Fun House. Here, you'll find write-ups on unsolved mysteries, riffs of creepypastas/fanfiction, and more. Thanks for stopping by! It means a lot.

Thursday, January 31, 2019

Riff-Review 2: Almost Too Late

Our story's cover art.

The world of fanfiction is a fickle one. It's a place where blossoming authors can go to hone their skills and learn the ropes of writing. For others, it's a place they can share their own personal tales that their favorite characters embark on between episodes and seasons. It's also a place where many ships sail in the name of one-true pairings. Many of these stories are posted to websites like Fanfiction.net and ArchiveOfOurOwn (AO3).

Then there's FiMFiction.net. Operated and designed by a British man who goes by the screen name “knighty”, this website is dedicated strictly to fanfiction related to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. It's a sleekly made site with a user-friendly layout. It also has story approvers, which means the quality of the approved stories is better if your standards are lower than the shows target demographic. I should know: I was a member of the website for two and a half years and they let me post on there without issue. As such, I don't think anything better exemplifies that point than one of the websites most popular subgenres: Anon-A-Miss.

A holiday comic widely regarded as one of the worst stories ever produced with the Pony brand-name on it, Anon-A-Miss has become an absurdly popular storyline on FiMFiction. Most of these stories deal with the fallout from the original story, wherein Sunset Shimmer is forgiven by her friends after being shunned and hated by three younger characters who hot little more than a stern talking to in spite of ruining another human's life. Good job, Hasbro.

Anyways, today's Riff-Review is of one of these Anon-A-Miss stories. It's one of the highest rated stories of this kind and simply known as Almost Too Late. It has a 476 upvotes to a mere 17 downvotes; a staggering 24,000+ views backing it all up. And yet, it exemplifies the standards of FiMFiction without stepping foot into the NSFW side of it.



Let's take a glance at our long description to start.

Based on the comic Equestria Girls Holiday Speical and will contain spoliers for it.
Warnings: Spoliers, dark thoughts, and attempted suicide. Read at your own risk!!!

Proofreading is for suckers. That's why story approvers exist and didn't allow you to auto-submit stories until after you'd had two stories up until around when 2017! Let's see: when was this posted? Hm… December 18, 2014? Well golly, it'd seem that somehow, nobody bothered to alert our dear author here he couldn't even make it to the actual story without failing English Literature 101. Good to know FiMFiction's grammatical standards are on par with the Nigerian prince who keeps telling me that he wants to give me his fortune.

Also: “dark thoughts” and “attempted suicide” generally go hand in hand. While they aren't mutually exclusive, the former tends to get fueled from the former and vice-verse. Granted, I'm basing that off of my own experiences. I've dealt with suicide contemplation before and I can safely say that I never thought of sunshine and rainbows when contemplating it. Generally, it was about how it'd feel great to be free from the mental anguish I was feeling. I digress though, let's march on.

For the first time since coming to this world, Sunset was to have a happy holiday spending time with her friends.

Halloween and Thanksgiving don't exist in this world.

That isn't to be though as a new blog by an, "Anon-A-Miss" turns the whole school against Sunset, including her friends.

Tenses are for plebs; the laws of time and space are bendable like plastic straws.

After the truth is revealed though, Sunset isn't really offered any apologies by anyone other than the real person, or people behind the blog; Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle.

As I implied at the start, this is the primary reason for these fics. I'll admit: while I haven't read the comic itself, it did piss me off to see that the comic's resolution was basically “her life was a living hell, but all is well now!” That's a despicable way to end a story that deals with a genuinely grueling problem that affects people. How often? I didn't go to high school personally (I was homeschooled), but gossip can be a nightmare for some. To say that everything can be resolved 1-2-3 in an age where social media exists is laughable. Even Unfriended was more realistic in that regard. And that movie had a computer ghost!

Leaving Sugarcube Corner while everyone is talking about what had happened.

This story changes tenses like it's the illegitimate offspring of Squidward's Suicide.

As memories of the past week plauges her mind, Sunset decides to just give up since all of her hard work trying to prove that she had changed was for nothing if everyone could so easily be turned against her.

This is actually a pretty good idea. How long will it take for the story to do nothing with it? Also: plauges? Did the author disabled spell check?

Will the girls save her and prove that they love her, or will it be too late?

Given that this story has over 400 likes and less than two dozen dislikes, I'm going to assume they save her since FiMFiction seldom reacts well to stories that poorly handle topics like suicide.

Well, that's the long description. Aside from being a grammatical night terror, it's far from the worst one I've seen. It's competent in the way it covey's its premise. Let's see how long it takes for it to betray the faith I have in it.

Author's Note
Okay, first of all, final warning that this story contains huge ass spoliers for the Equestria Girls Holiday Special comic book.

400+ likes. 17 dislikes. 24k+ views. This is what constitutes as quality on FiMFiction. You can't even make it a sentence into your author's note without misspelling a word you spelled correctly in your long description. Give me a break.

Also, I want to warn you that during Sunset's memories near the end, the girls do say some things to Sunset that may be out of character for them to some people.

The entirety of Anon-A-Miss is built around the main cast being out of character. By your logic, they'd either be in character or they'd all be acting like Elizabeth Bathory.

These memories were directly taken from the comic, so please don't start bitching that they would never say something like that, because they DID in the comic.

Don't worry, author, I'll be bitching for different reasons!

I'm not sure if anyone would get mad or not, just giving all of My Little Ponies a warning that it may seem a little rough, but it is in the comic. It isn't a lot, just a few lines of dialouge.

1. Calling your readers “My Little Ponies” is cringe-worthy. Please don't do that. Just say, “my readers” or something akin to that.

2. Yet another typo. 400+ likes, everyone.

Well, at least everything turned out, right? Everyone will find out who Anon-A-Miss really was and Sunset herself would be off the hook. Right?

I dunno story, will she? I'm not the one with the answers, you are.

Sunset wanted so much to believe that, but no matter how many times she told herself that as she walked from Sugarcube Corner, it wouldn’t ease the pain she felt.

The pain made her a, made her a believer. Believer.

She had tried so much, worked to hard to prove that she had changed.

But in the end, it didn't even matter. Seriously, these song jokes are too easy.

And for awhile she had actually thought she was making progress.

Did she now? Would've been great if we could've seen that as opposed to being told that. This story chapter (there's an alternate ending we will cover) is barely over 2.1k words long. How nice it'd be if this story was longer like other Anon-A-Miss stories.

After all, she had five totally awesome friends who loved her no mater what now, didn’t she?

Mater? Is this Cars 4? Also: I dunno story, DOES she have five “totally awesome” friends who love her? You tell me; I've never seen an Equestria Girls movie.

No, she knew that she didn’t.

A word to all aspiring authors: don't do this nonsense. Don't ask the reader if a character has something and then give the answer in the next paragraph. It's needless padding and a waste of time that can be better spent on more beneficial aspects, be it character development, world building, or setting up an atmosphere.

They weren’t her friends, she realized that now as she held her leather jacket closed, trying to hide in it as the chill night air seemed to actually get colder in just a few moments.

“Seemed to actually get colder”? Just say it got colder. Nobody's going to be upset. If anyone does, it's likely the local weatherman who predicted it'd be pleasantly warm.

A biting wind carried a few snowflakes, more and more joining them as she continued on aimlessly.

Hey, a genuinely decent sentence. Someone get the camera!

It wasn’t like she had a place to sleep tonight,

I'm so glad that this Sunset Shimmer trope was Old Yeller'd. It was so idiotic. That said, this story was released a year after the first Equestria Girls film (I believe), so I'll give it a bit of leniency.

she already told the homeless shelter that she had a place to stay for the week since everyone was hosting a slumber party, a different night each.

I'm…not sure that's a proper sentence. I don't care enough to find out either. Though tell me if it is. I'll be glad to know.

She doubted that they still had a bed for her.

The riffer laughed at this predicament because the author hasn't shown any grief in this character, only told. As such, the riffer has perceived this as a whacky, zany situation Homeless Shimmer must overcome!

Looking up into the streetlight that was illuminating the snowflakes as they flurried by,

Another decent moment.

she couldn’t help wishing that it was raining instead.

And you ruined it. Stop telling us these details. Add in depth, emotion, and meaning by showcasing these moments. You don't have to show everything, but moments like these work better when that's done!

At least then the water would mix with her tears, and nobody would see them.

Hurr dee durr, like tears in the rain. Yeah, you're clever. Blade Runner reference. Good on you. Here's a gold star, now rip off another Phillip K. Dick story why don't you.

Not that it mattered, she had even cried in front of the whole school a couple times over the last few days, who gave a damn if someone saw her now?

The reader if you bothered to SHOW US SOMETHING SO WE COULD GET ATTACHED TO THE MAIN CHARACTER!

“Why do they hate me? They promised me that they were my friends, that they loved me?” Sunset sobbed out, wanting to collapse onto her knees.

Wow, actual dialogue? Well, that's a change. I wish there was a bit more showing as to what she felt beyond the desire to fall to her knees, but I admit: I did that a lot when writing. So I'll let it pass.

She kept herself from doing so as the snow was collecting at her feet, already covering the ground.

This sentence is fine, in my eyes anyways, but something about it feels off. I don't know what though.

Wearing a skirt with no leggings, or anything else to cover her legs, was a bad idea tonight.

Oh, that's what. Back to telling. All the telling. Tell me, author, am I going to to be the next H.P. Lovecraft? Shakes phone What do you mean not battery's low!?

It was going to be a cold one, and instead of spending it at a friend’s house, she would likely be spending it in the open cold air.

I never would've guessed based on EVERY DETAIL YOU'VE SPOON-FED ME SO FAR!

She didn’t get an answer, not that she didn’t expected to get one.

Not being told something in this story? Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies.

She was alone, a fact that she would have to get used to.

She can always go back to Equestria. The portal leads to the interior of a castle. Nothing's stopping her. Right?

Following the path she was on, Sunset came to her favorite park.

The park then got stepped on by Clover. Thus, the true nature of this story was revealed. It's another forced entry in the Cloverfield series.

During the spring and summer, she would often come out her and sit by the pond and feed the birds.

Sometimes, Rodan came by and ate people.

It was so relaxing, and there was something about the place that just made her feel good.

Well, it's a park. It's typically pretty and serene.

It was so beautiful and peaceful.

See? You answered it in the next sentence. Did you not reread your story after writing it? I admit, I seldom did that, but at least I had people pre-rear for me. This story doesn't seem to have had that privilege. For the love of everything decent on Earth, how did this get so many likes and views? What am I missing?

In the winter, it was still beautiful and peaceful, though in a different way.

You couldn't have worded this in a less similar way? “This held true in the winter time” would've worked.

The pond was frozen over, and though she would expect people to come skate on it, the park had made it against the rules after some kid fell through the ice last winter.

Wow, you decided to give some description of the park. And a reason for the park being empty? That's incredible!

Thankfully they were pulled out before anything bad could happen to them.
That's the real tragedy of the story.

Walking over to her favorite bench, Sunset brushed the snow off the wooden seat before collapsing into it.

I know I should be happy that this isn't simply told to us, but I'm more astonished the author is capable of such a thing.

Hugging herself, she leaned forward, rocking a little. More tears joined the first, as she once again asked herself, ‘Why?’
Wow, another genuinely well done part. This would be cause for celebration if it didn't revert back to spoon-feeding us information that would've been better told as thoughts Sunset was actually having.

She knew she was once a royal bitch to the entire school, but she had thought that after the Battle of the Bands, everything was forgiven.

“We forgive you, Sunset Shimmer, for being the teenage equivalent to Rachel Ray.” Everyone said, at which point they forced her to walk on eggshells and Legos.

She spent so much of her free time helping out around the school, going through the different clubs volunteering her time to help them.

Wow, clearly Sunset Shimmer is equal to Mother Teresa. She did so much to make up for the fact she bullied everyone into submission and acted like she owned the school. Everyone forgive her! All is forgiven.

She even volunteered to stay after school and helped the teachers if they needed something.

Like… what? Help clean up? Help with organizing? This would be much more meaningful if it was Sunset telling us and not a nameless, faceless narrator.

It seemed like all of her hard work was paying off as she had friends and people who smiled and greeted her everyday.

Little did Sunset know, they were doing it out of fear.

She even had five awesome friends who she did everything with.

Hm… considering this is an Anon-A-Miss story, I'm gonna go ahead and say that this sentence is


Sure, she still had her secrets from them such as being homeless, though she survived easily.

The narrator says as Sunset is outside without warm clothing and in a park while it's below freezing.

It wasn’t really hard with all of the help Canterlot provided to the less fortunate.

Wow, world building. It's almost like this author knows how to showca—haha, I kid. He contradicts what he said earlier about Sunset likely not getting to go into a homeless shelter.

Free meals and a warm bed if you reserve it twenty-four hours in advance, and a place to shower and wash your clothes.

The catch is: there's no hot water.

She was doing good enough, but she couldn’t tell her friends that because they loved her so much.

She says as she's wallowing in self pity in below freezing temperatures in a park with nothing to keep warm after hundreds of words of narrated whining. Author. What is wrong with that sentence!?

She didn’t want them worrying about her as she was doing well enough.

She's homeless. If that's “well enough” in your eyes, seek help. If you also think this is a well written sentence, reevaluate your standards because that implies you think that being homeless—even with what Sunset described above—is “well enough”. But hey: 476 likes, 17 dislikes, 24,000+ views.

Yet the last few days had shown just how little her friends really cared about her.

Y'know what'd be great here? If we saw from Sunset's perspective the trust she saw in each of her friends and why she trusted them. As opposed to our nameless, faceless narrator telling us details we should see from our main character. Did this author use bots to get the views and votes they got?

They didn’t believe her, and even though a part of her could understand it after all the terrible things she did, Sunset had believed that after everything they would have her back.

The melodramatic narration here makes me think Sunset had an affair, not that her friends bought into asinine gossip.

That they would trust in her because of their love for her.

That sentence is so cheesy, people who are lactose intolerant would get sick reading it.

Sitting here in the cold night, makeup running as she cried, Sunset couldn’t figure it out.

She's homeless, yet she can afford makeup? Or did Rarity apply that? Author, details. Do you understand what they are?

How could they say that they loved her, claim that they were her friends and family, when they so easily turned her back on them?

How Nicholas Sparks have books published when they're all carbon copies of the last one? Oh right, because life's a bitch and not fair.

Did everything that she had done since the Fall Formal and the Battle of the Bands mean absolutely nothing?

The answer is, was, and always will be a loud, resounding, “No.”  Next stupid question

Watching as the breath slowly flowed from her nose and mouth,

She also watched every move the breath made.

the cold making it almost look like she was a dragon, Sunset sighed heavily.

The Dragonborne then killed her. The seven o'clock news blamed it on the Black Dahlia killer.

She knew the answer, had always feared it, but she needed to face it.

“I can't bless the rains down in Africa.”

She was unloved and unwanted, both in Equestria and here.

Womp womp.

Nobody would miss her if she was gone, hell, they would probably have Pinkie Pie throw a party.

Oh, the pity party is strong with this one! By golly, author, you couldn't have done a worse job trying to showcase depression via loneliness if you had Sunset listening to “Crawling in my Skin” and crying on social media or in a hugbox. First of all: everyone copes with depression differently. That's a fact and while some do deal with it the way Sunset is here, it's seldom out in public. Many people who have depression shut themselves inside. They're reclusive. They don't like the outside world.

Second, and most importantly: this entire paragraph does such a monumental injustice to depression by being strictly 100% narration as opposed to having some form of buildup that I'm disgusted that FiMFiction users upvoted this travesty of writing. For a site that has a diverse user base—and one that's often disgusted by stories that handled topics like this horridly—I must say that my already miniscule respect for the site just died an agonizing death. Good job, author. Good frigging job.

“I give up.” Sunset stuttered, the cold getting to her as she pulled a small pocket knife from her pocket.

Y'know what would've made this school so must better? If the author had taken the time to add some sense of build up instead of telling us everything. As it stands, I have zero emotional connection to Sunset here. If she slit her wrists, I wouldn't care because all we've gotten is endless wallowing. How does Sunset see ANY of this!? What are her internal thoughts!? Author: I get what it's like to have no friends—friends in person anyways. I also know what it's like to have friends turn their back on you. I also happen to know what it's like to go from being an unlikable bully who extorts others to get what he wants (and yes, I'm serious). Newsflash: THIS ISN'T HOW YOU ACT!

It was a small thing, usually used to do small things such as cutting string or ribbon since the blade itself was pretty sharp.

I know what a pocket knife is, author. We all do. If you don't: you shouldn't be on a site like FiMFiction.

It would be so easy to do something else with it.

This author is as subtle as Roland Emmerich.

Pulling back the sleeves of her jacket, Sunset unfolded the knife and began tracing it over the skin of her wrist.

Cheers, love! The EMTs are here!

It felt so cold against her skin, the blade running up and down her arm as she debated if this was really what she wanted.
She then opted to go in doors and use a noose.

“You secret stealer!” Pinkie had accused her, the memory making Sunset press down on the knife drawing a thin line of blood.
If that's actual dialogue from the comic, that's honestly better writing than the author here. At least that's over-the-top.

“You’re not our friend!” Fluttershy cried, as Sunset herself was crying.

I'm crying too; I want this travesty to be over like you couldn't believe it.

Yet another memory that brought even more pressure for the next cut, even more crimson liquid pooling up around the small laceration.
Crimson blood usually implies blood has been oxygenated. If that's the case, Sunset is boned harder than a weasel in the Chicago Outfit.

“How could you do this? After all we’ve been through together?” Rarity asked, disappointment filling her voice.

A drama queen in a story written undoubtedly by a drama queen. How fitting.

Sunset sobbed out as she slashed at her wrist this time, fumbling with the blade so it drew blood, but not much.

That “but not much” ruins an otherwise halfway competent sentence. Figures this author would find a way to fuck it up.

Crimson droplets was starting to stain the snow below as she sat there shivering from the cold and shuddering from her sobs.
Suddenly, the narrative is speaking in ebonics. Because why not? It makes as much sense as the rest of this dreck.

“I’m sorry, but you did this to us. Tell whatever secrets you want. But we don’t have to listen.” Applejack had said, the memory drawing a loud sob from Sunset as she cut another slash into her wrist.

Cut my life into pieces. This is last resort.

Switching hands, Sunset gripped the knife, though watching the blood flow was making her feel weaker, even if she really hadn’t lost all that much.
That's called a panic attack, author. It's okay to use correct terminology. We aren't the target demographic of the show.

And finally, “Hey! Get out!” Rainbow Dash snapped out, Applejack following up with, “Yer not welcome here, Sunset!”
I never realized how little impact something has when you follow it up with the name “Rainbow Dash”. Kinda like following it up with “FunkDaddy McGiggleFarts said”.

With another loud sob Sunset brought the knife up with the last memory, intending to bring it across her wrist to hopefully cut an artery or something.

“or something”? Are you for real, author? You couldn't just out “or vein”? Was this written by a thirteen year old!? Who in their right mind thinks that that constitutes as acceptable in a story dealing with the topic of suicide!?

She didn’t care, she just wanted the memories and pain to go away.
I want the pain to go away too, but it's hard to. Wanna know why, narrator?

“Yer not welcome here, Sunset!”
476 likes.

“Yer not welcome here, Sunset!”
17 dislikes.

“Yer not welcome here, Sunset!”
24,000+ views.

The same line that Applejack and made kept repeating in her mind, reminding her they didn’t want her.

Will someone please tell me what I and plethora of other FiMFiction users did wrong to get drowned out by unreadable trash like this?

She wasn’t welcome here. She never was, and was stupid to think otherwise.

Then go back to Equestria. The portal's not shutdown. You made friends with Princess Twilight. You stupid horse.

With her hand shaking uncontrollably, Sunset was about to slash her uninjured wrists just as a hand grabbed the one holding the knife.

It was Michael Myers. He then stabbed her and everyone was happy. See you all in Hell!

“That’s enough of that, sugarcube.” Applejack said, crying as she held Sunset’s wrist while looking down sadly at the girl.
“looking sadly at the girl”? Really, not going to say “her friend”? Just “the girl”? Wow, she really does hate Sunset.

“Let me go, please, just let me go!” Sunset sobbed out, not caring that the girls were surrounding her.

“I just want to go see Saw IX!”

“Sugarcube, you're not 18.”

“I AM AT HEART!”

If the author won't treat the topic seriously, neither will I.

All of them looked horrified at what they caught her doing, but she didn’t care.

The author sure doesn't.

She wasn’t welcome here, and she intended to fix it so she wouldn’t be here any longer.
Luckily, there are plans to build a wall around the portal to Equestria.

“Why, why are you doing this?” Fluttershy cried out, sitting next to Sunset and hugging her tightly from the side, sobbing into her.

“I’m not wanted here.” Sunset said softly, her voice sounding dead as she stared down at her bloody wrist as the girls winced.

I'm shocked the author didn't have Rarity faint.

“Yes you are!” Rainbow declared, yanking the white box from Pinkie Pie’s hand, the pink haired girl’s hair seeming to deflate. “We fucked up, not you!”

How cute. The author's using big boy words in their big boy story.

“I always fuck up, nothing I do will ever make up for what I did.” Sunset sobbed out, “Nobody wants me here, so why are you stopping me? Just let me DIE!”
A great twist would be if Sunset was hallucinating them being there. That requires effort though.

“We are so sorry darling, we’re sorry.” Rarity cried, her own makeup running as she watched on with her hands covering her mouth as se shock her head in shock.
“as se shock her head in shock”? Is Rarity sending a message from death row?

“Don’t cry, you’re ruining your makeup, and a lady should never do that.” Sunset mocked halfheartedly earning a very unladylike snort from Rarity.
I hate this story. I want you all to know that.

“I don’t give a fuck!” Rarity snapped out, “We, I drove my friend to this! I’m no lady, I’m an ungrateful bitch!”

Be careful, Rarity! Any more edge and you may summon Coldsteel the Hedgeheg.

“Look Sunset, we really are sorry.” Rainbow cried, holding Sunset’s bloody wrist in her hand tightly as she wiped the blood away from the cuts before wiping them with an alcohol pad.

Were they planning for Sunset to kill herself? Or does one of them carry a perpetual “suicide attempt” kit?

“We should never have treated you the way we did. We do love you Sunset, we do want you around.”


“Who else will we have to perpetually bitch at for having once been an unlikable piece of garbage!?”

“We love you Sunset, you’re our friend.” Fluttershy sobbed as she held onto Sunset as if she was a life preserver.
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Inhales. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. You don't get to be “The Element of Kindness” after the comic. Go crawl back to your shed.

“No I’m not, if I was, then at least one of you would have believed me. I’m just some charity case to you thanks to Princess Twilight.” Sunset hiccupped, her sobs subsiding a little as she felt so dead inside.
TELL US MORE ABOUT HOW SHE FELT. Not like there's dialogue going on to convey that information to us!

“Sunset, I’m sorry we took your smile.” Pinkie Pie finally said, her voice so low it was hard to hear.

Something something Joker reference. Something something I wish I could Heath Ledger myself right now.

Sunset heard it, but refused to listen. She couldn’t afford to listen, to have this happen again.
She Vincent Van Gogh'd herself.

“I don’t think you will need stitches, but I can’t be sure. You actually didn’t cause too much damage, but you bleed easily.” Rainbow explained as she wrapped a bandage around Sunset’s wrist.

“Tell me, do you bleed?” Looks “Oh, you do…”

“Look Sunset, I know what we did was horrible.

Thanks, Captain Obvious!

I don’t know if we even deserve your forgiveness or friendship after what we did.

Gracias, Commandant Obvious!

What I do know is how much we love you, and how much we would miss you if something happened.”
Appreciate the lack of foresight, Brigadier General, Foresight.

“We all have fights, sugarcube. It’s what being human is all about, but we shouldn’t have turned you away so easily.” Applejack said, rubbing her arms as she shifted back and forth nervously.
The author calls the events of the comics “a fight”? That's rich. Are they deliberately trying to keep in line with the comic? Is this all tongue in cheek?

“My pinkie sense said someone was hurt, so I grabbed our first aid kit and ran straight here.” Pinkie said, “I’m so sorry we didn’t stop you from even leaving. I want to see you smile again, Sunset. Your smile always makes me smile.”
Ah yes, the Pinkie Sense. Another reason Pinkie Pie ruins stories. God forbid there's tension. Nah, just use Pinkie Pie's cheat skill.

“You being our friend always makes me smile.” Rarity said, smiling a little through her tears. “Just knowing that we have such a wonderful friend as you gives me confidence to face the world.”
This is schmaltzy. LifeTime TV levels of schmaltzy. Stop.

“Please Sunset, please don’t leave us!” Fluttershy cried, “Please, I’ll do anything you want, just please don’t leave us.”
“Kill yourself,” Sunset replied.

“How do I know I can trust you?” Sunset asked, tears still falling, but her sobs stopped for now. A part of her wanted to trust them, needed to, as they were her only family here. They just hurt her so much, almost destroyed what little hope she held within her.
You can't. Now to back to Equestria and let them all die with the knowledge they screwed up big time.

“You can’t, not right now.” Rainbow Dash sighed.
See? Even the stupid blue one agrees!

“All you can do is take things as they come, day by day. Please give us that time to show you that we love you. That we need you.” Fluttershy begged, looking up into Sunset’s own.

Sunset's own what? Collar bone? Wrist wounds? Did she really take my riff seriously!?

It hurt, it really did, and it was something she couldn’t deny.

I imagine cutting your wrists hurts.

Yet the look on Fluttershy’s face, the look on all of their faces, all showed their remorse and sincerity at wanting her there.
The Stare 2.0: KMS Edition.

“I’ll try.” Sunset sighed, meaning it, even if it scared her.

What a load of trash. None of this functions on any sensible level. NONE OF IT!

She didn’t think that her heart could survive being hurt like this again, but the group hug that the crying girls centered around her restored some of the hope she thought was gone forever.

REEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAALLY NOW!?

She could feel the love radiating from them, and it gave her hope that just maybe things would be ok.

Oh piss off you insipid piece of trash story. Oh wait, you won't. There's an alternate ending. Welp, here goes nothing!

Author's Note
Well, here's an alternate version to my Christmas special. It is mostly different, including no suicidal thoughts in it. Also, the idea pretty much came from JPfluttershy1979, so thankies!
Oh joy, no suicide, but still more of this guy's writing. I do not like you, JPfluttershy1979.

Sunset looked around the small room that Fluttershy’s family had graciously given her months ago, not long after the Fall Formal. Upon starting her new life, she opened up to her friends, if a little wary at first, and eventually admitted to living in a homeless shelter.

Oh, it's from Yellow Quiet's PoV? Great, just what I needed.

While Fluttershy’s parents had been reluctant at first because of the way Sunset once treated Fluttershy, they let her into their home and for awhile actually treated her as one of the family. That all stopped a couple days ago.
They discovered Sunset was a serial killer.

Ever since the ‘Anon-A-Miss’ blog went live, Fluttershy refused to talk to her.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha—shove it.

And after explaining to her parents what happened, the older couple had started giving Sunset the cold shoulder as well.

Everyone in an Anon-A-Miss story has an idea of tomato. Goodie

It had hurt, very badly, because Sunset had come to see them as her family.

The descriptiveness in this story is on par with a 5 year olds idea of how to write.

She had come to love them very much. Now she felt like an outcast, like she didn’t belong.

No shit, that's what an outcast is.

“Yer not welcome here, Sunset!” Applejack had told her, and though she didn’t mean this house, Sunset still felt as if she might as well meant that.
Back to this, huh? Well then: 476 likes, 17 dislikes, 24,000+ views.

Even rainbow Dash had told her to, “Hey! Get out!” which added to the hurt Sunset had been feeling lately. Chipping away at her heart.
Didn't capitalize “Rainbow”, eh? Good job.

“How could you do this? After all we’ve been through together?” Rarity asked, disappointment filling her voice at the time of telling Sunset that. It hurt that they didn’t believe in Sunset after everything they had been through together.
It's the last chapter, but worse. Great.

Even Pinkie had jumped at the chance to turn her back from Sunset, accusing her by saying, “You secret stealer!”
t(-.-t)

As much as all of that hurt, nothing hurt more than what Fluttershy had told her. After all this time living under the same roof, living as if they were a family, the girl had told Sunset, “You’re not our friend!”
YoU'rE nOt My FrIeNd.

She wasn’t their friend, they didn’t want her to be. And by the way they were acting, they didn’t want her in their home either.

All of this over a blog. A. BLOG. Yet this subgenre on FiMFiction is adored. That site's standards is complete trash. My evidence: this abomination and the travesty that's called “writing” you see here. Bravo. Truly amazing. Shame on everyone who sees this as anything more than complete trash masquerading as something even remotely decent. You buffoons have only planted and nurtured the idea that this asinine crap is acceptable as a story idea. Fuck all of you and the horse body pillows you sleep with.

Even after the girls who were really responsible for the blog admitted their fault, no one bothered to apologize to Sunset except for Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo and Applebloom for the part they played in hurting Sunset. If they really cared, they would have at least said they were sorry, but when it was obvious that it wasn’t going to happen as the girls talked to the younger girls, Sunset had walked out. She had come back here, she couldn’t really call it home anymore after tonight anyways.
Yet the three little twerp get off scot-free because in MLP fanfic-land, consequences are as foreign as the shows ratings.

Stuffing the last of her clothing in a duffel bag, the rest in her backpack with her school stuff, Sunset straightened up to take one last look around the room. For awhile it had given her hope of finally finding where she belonged. A hope that was as shattered as her heart.
CUT. MY. LIFE. INTO. PIECES.

“Sunset, can we talk?” Mrs. Shy asked, poking her head into the room. A loud gasp escaped her as her hands flew to her mouth in shock.
Sunset was die.

“Don’t worry, I’m leaving. I know I’m not wanted.” Sunset said softly, refusing to cry. She refused to let this woman see her tears after what happened.
She broke the bathroom sink with her edge.

“You can’t!” Mrs. Shy gasped out, stumbling into the room and collapsing in the chair at the desk as tears filled her eyes. “Please, I know we’ve been a little hard on you these last few days. I don’t want you to go though.”
Considering our dear author said she hated her, this is a glorious 180.

“Look, you’ve been great, really. I know when I’m not wanted though, it happens enough as it is, I know the signs by now. I was stupid to think I finally found a family.” Sunset said, a few tears escaping as she realized what she just said. She never wanted to admit it out loud to them, that she loved them like a family and wanted to be a part of it. She was surprised when the woman surged out of the chair and captured her in a tight embrace crying.
I'm just skimming at this point. I'm done. This story's cancer.

“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. The girls told me what happened, that it wasn’t your fault! Please, I want you to stay so much! I’ve come to love you as a daughter. I really have.” Mrs. Shy sobbed, refusing to let go of Sunset as she started crying as well.
“NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP!” Mrs. Shy screeched.

“Look, you don’t need me complicating your lives anymore than they already are. I was stupid to even accept the room here.” Sunset sniffed, “I’ll be fine, you don’t have to worry. I’ve survived on the street before, I can do it again.”
She's a survivor and has the eye of the tiger.

“No you won’t, I won’t let you go back to the streets.” Mrs. Shy hiccupped.
“Not until you tell me whether or not I should paint the walls midnight blue or sky blue.”

“Look, I know you feel responsible for me after letting me come here, but you aren’t. I’m a grown girl, more than capable of making it on my own.” Sunset sniffed.
“What perfume do you use?” Sunset asked.

“You shouldn’t have to.” Mr. Shy said as he walked into the room, a manila folder in his hand. “And you won’t either. If I have to, I’ll call the police and report you for running away. We love you young lady, but even we make mistakes. You were given a second chance before, please allow us just one chance to prove that we want you.”
“But first: get in the oven,” Mrs. Shy said.

“Look guys, I don’t know what to say.” Sunset said as she pulled away from Mrs. Shy and walked over to the other side of the room, crossing her arms as she leaned back against the wall. She couldn’t bring herself to look up at the older couple, there was just too much pain there at the moment. Even if a part of her wanted to grant them another chance, what proof did she have that they wouldn’t do the same thing again? “I really do appreciate this, but it is my choice. There is no way you can keep me here.”
Then Sunset was knocked out and awoke 8 hours later, chained in the basement.

“Actually, there is.” Mr. Shy proclaimed, stepping up to Sunset to hand her the folder he was carrying. “Do you remember those papers you signed a few weeks ago? Well, not all of them were bank papers for the account we opened for you.”

“Are these adoption papers?” Sunset asked, a little shocked as she went over the papers. There was now a birth certificate in her name, even if her age was a year off on it. There were court documents approving the adoption, as well as a social security number. It all looked completely legal.
Jesus Christ, this is cringe.

“We were planning on giving them to you for Christmas.” Mrs. Fluttershy whispered, but Sunset heard her. They really wanted her as a daughter? Sunset wasn’t sure what came over her, but she threw herself at the couple, hugging them both while sobbing loudly. She couldn’t help smiling through her tears as they hugged her back, crying a little to.
I spoke too soon. This is cringe.

“We do love you, Sunset Shimmer, please don’t think otherwise.” Mrs. Shy whispered, kissing the top of Sunset’s head.
“They lie, Sunset. Kill them in their sleep,” a voice echoed inside Sunset's head.

“Thank you both.” Sunset hiccupped, noticing the girls crowding into the room as she looked over their shoulders.
“You should still kill them though, Sunset.”

“We wanted to say that we’re sorry to.” Rainbow Dash said. “We messed up, we were so not being good friends.”
You did more than mess up.

“Yeah, we stole your smile.” Pinkie Pie sighed, her eyes misty. “We don’t want to steal your smile, we like seeing your smile.”
Shut up, Ponk.

“Pinkie’s right, sugarcube. We really do luv yer smile, and yer friendship.” Applejack sniffed.
“luv”? What, the O and E too hard to hit?

“Please, big sister, please don’t go!” Fluttershy sobbed out, throwing herself into a hug with Sunset and her, their parents. Sunset was only a few months older than Fluttershy, but something in her felt so good at being called that by the girl. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
I'm not—I mean everything I've said.

“It’s okay, I’m not going anywhere.” Sunset whispered as she held Fluttershy, their parents hugging them, and soon everyone was sharing a group hug. Sunset couldn’t help musing that perhaps her heart was as broken as she thought as she felt warmth and love flowing over her, returning it in kind.

Hahahaha—I hate this story.

Stories like Anon-A-Miss are useless. They attempt to follow up on a story that functions only because everyone is out of character. Ultimately, attempting to fix such a story or even follow up on it is the equivalent of you attempting to fix a friendship after you call their spouse a worthless piece of trash, slap them, and then piss on the carpet. There's no point in doing so and you'll look stupid trying.

3 comments:

  1. Tyler "Bio" RodriguezJanuary 31, 2019 at 11:55 PM

    Wow that is some shit. Seriously, there were several laugh out loud bad moments, and yet it got all these positive reviews. People man I swear, Moby Dick can be considered a bad novel and this is a classic by site standards. Also the snarky comments reminds me of Cinema Snob and Phelous. This is a good thing. I enjoy it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's basically the burning dumpster fire of FImfic, this Sub-Genre. No, it's the Mythril Moth. Everybody loves and likes these stories, but as my longwinded comment shows, they secretly hate them.

      Delete
  2. Wow, just wow. It's stories like this hate make me hate the Anon A-Mess story even more, because of the sheer bile it spawned, and protecting Sunset because she is 'best waifu and must not be hurt!" Oh, go cry me a river. If every fictional character was hurt somehow, I'd bet you'd be... Oh wait, the Accusation Fic group is a thing anyways, so...

    But seriously, I want to requote a forum post from the Sunset Shimmer Group, showing that even FIMfic has users aside from me who think this sub-genre is a load of trash. It says, and I quote: "First off, Sunset, as a character would not be the type to take her own life, especially after something as mundane as being accused of posting embarrassing things about other people on the EG equivalent of MySpace. She has a strong, independent personality, and her willingness to reform after the first EQ movie goes to show that she has a strong will to live.

    Sure she has her sad moody moments of self-doubt, but nothing even coming close to depression, making suicide a very very unlikely possibility (And I'm only saying that its a possibility because sometimes very strong people do take their lives with little or no explanation or warning.)

    It is my strong opinion that using Suicide as a plot point stemming from the events of that comic that it's extremely forced at best and Mary-Sue levels of wish fulfilment at worst. Especially when you have to factor in that it would be extremely out of character for her friends to even allow something like that to go that far. Not to mention that it's very poor taste, almost to the level of being beyond the pale.

    A lot of these stories try and tell it in short one-offs with less than 3k words. You can't tell a story with such a sensitive/controversial/emotional plot element in so short a story.'

    And the way's she's portrayed of doing it, Freezing herself to death, really? I've had Hypothermia, it would be a very painful, agonizing way to die.

    As someone who's actually attempted suicide (Having your stomach pumped for the 50 Tylenol-3's you took is not a pleasant experience), I find that the use of this subject matter as a shock gimmick to get views/comments/upvotes a little insulting.

    Lastly, I just recently suffered the loss of my Fiance to suicide. I said goodnight to her on the phone, went to work, and got a call when I got home in the morning from her friend saying she was gone.

    Unless you've experienced it, you have no idea what its like to be shocked to the point that your entire body is numb.

    The total devastating, wracking sobs of grief.

    The sleepless nights week after week where your mind is filled with disbelief and questions of what I could have done differently. I'm talking about the kind of insomnia that only prescription sleep aids can help.

    Then there's the total unjustified anger at the person who died followed by the crippling guilt when you realize what you've been thinking.

    Then you're left with acceptance of the fact that they're gone, followed by the constant reminders of things you see that you want to tell them about or rolling over in the morning to check your phone to see if they've sent you a message followed by disappointment.

    That's what I've gone through for the last 4 months, and that's what I have to deal with for the rest of my life.

    I have no issues with people writing stories like that, but if you're going to do it, do it right, anything less than that is insulting and in poor taste."

    That, all of that. All of this suicide garbage is just a way to get cheap and easy feels.

    ReplyDelete