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Hi! Welcome to Vertigo's Fun House. Here, you'll find write-ups on unsolved mysteries, riffs of creepypastas/fanfiction, and more. Thanks for stopping by! It means a lot.

Saturday, June 1, 2019

Godzilla: King of the Box Office or King of the Box Office Bombs?

I hate math, but I love looking at the box office to see how film's perform. I've got a decent understanding of it and when I see a film that's worthy of a sequel, I tend to follow its time in theaters to see if it does well or if it doesn't. The same goes for a film that I hate (I'm looking at you, Fant4stic). Generally speaking, I can tell when a film will do well or won't. For example, it wasn't difficult to tell that the aforementioned Fant4stic wouldn't do well. It came out around the time that Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation was out and that siphoned a fair bit of money it might've made. That, plus the controversy surrounding it, didn't help.

With that said, Warner Bros’ “Monsterverse” is a different beast. The kaiju genre isn’t something that’s always appealed in the west—especially the United States. Roland Emmerich’s 1998 film “Godzilla” was far from the best way to introduce Godzilla to the average American moviegoer. However, it made a fair bit of money, but not enough to warrant a sequel. As such, the series lay dormant in America and has since aged… divisively. Some see it as a fine monster movie, but still loathe it as a Godzilla film. Others loathe it across the board.

Fast forward to when Gareth Edwards’ 2014 Godzilla film came out. While it too  was divisive (to say the least), it appealed to fans of the character and was successful enough to warrant a sequel. A sequel that took over five years to come out and while Kong: Skull Island tied into that film, that’s besides the point.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters was, in the eyes of many, poised to be a kaiju-sized success. Many suspected that Michael Doughtery (director of Trick ‘r’ Treat and Krampus) would fix what Gareth Edwards broke. Namely, the lack of kaiju action and bland human characters. While I personally liked King of the Monsters, it’s undeniably that Doughtery didn’t quite “fix” those aspects. If anything, he muddled them beneath three additional monsters and Kyle Chander; King Ghidorah, Rodan, and Mothra masquerading as “more monster” through the illusion that more monsters = more monster action. This, plus the jumbled plot (not helped by the D&D plot armor wearing Millie Bobby Brown whose character made me want to actually leave the theater more than once) has proven to critics and some moviegoers that expectations =/= reality. Any armchair box office analyst can throw a dart, hit a number, and say that X movie will make that much money.

However, I’m not an armchair box office analyst. I’m an armchair box office analyst who actually bothers to follow the box office and trends. So, with that said, I’m here to take a gander at how Godzilla: King of the Monsters has been performing and make my own predictions as to how it’ll perform and give my thoughts on how this’ll affect next year’s Godzilla vs. Kong and the future of the Monsterverse as a whole.

Friday, May 24, 2019

Movie Review: Brightburn

The superhero genre has grown rather dull for me. Avengers: Endgame was so much movie that to a large degree, I realized that my excitement for Spider-Man: Far From Home had largely waned once I left the theater from Endgame. That isn't to say I don't have interest in superhero films anymore, but I don't find myself quite as hyped as I used to. This is due to how many of them by and large feel very alike; the characters are different, but the perils they face are more or less the same. Hero as a predicament, bad guy is there, hero fights bad guy, overcomes predicament, all is well.

Some superhero films have subverted that formula by throwing a few twists into the mix. Captain America: The Winter Soldier was a political thriller, Logan was a heart-wrenching film, and Deadpool was comedic. However, they are an exception to the rule. At their hearts, they are still superhero films that follow a traditional formula.

Then there's Brightburn. Brightburn is different. Brightburn is a superhero-horror film. And it isn't a very happy one at that.

Wednesday, May 1, 2019

Wednesday Weirdness: The City in the Sky

Going up to the spirit in the sky (spirit in the sky!)

It's where I'm gonna go when I die (when I die!)

When I die and they lay me to rest, I'm gonna go to the place that's the best!

And that place is the City in the Sky.

Monday, April 29, 2019

Monday Mystery: Gef the Talking Mongoose

Last week, I said I'd be covering the mystery of "Adam". However, due to last week having been extremely hellish, plus that story being a rather emotionally difficult one to cover. While I’ve read and written about some rather saddening topics, the story of Adam proved to be more than I could stomach for the time being. So, I’ve instead opted cover a significantly less heart wrenching story: Gef the Talking Mongoose.

Saturday, March 16, 2019

Marchopping Block 16: Ringu (Brussels Cut)

Films go through numerous cuts before the finished product is released to the public, which is the consumed by the general population for their entertainment.

However, prior to that, there are premieres for the film. Sometimes, these premieres are at festivals, like the Brussels International Festival of Fantasy Film, where the 1998 Japanese horror film, Ringu, had its European debut (in 1999). Much like the rest of critics around the world, critics at the festival praised the film, primarily for its tense atmosphere, strong build up, and not relying on jump scares.

But the continued praise for Ringu wasn't the only thing to come out of the film festival. Along with it was the claim that the cut shown at it was a significantly more disturbing and violent one than the one shown elsewhere.

Marchopping Block 15: Need for Speed: Most Wanted 2

The Need For Speed (NFS for short) franchise has gone through many iterations. Everything from your standard street races with bright colored environments and cops chasing after you, to the late-night Fast and Furious inspired street races with car customization.

With numerous installments, a few reboots, and even a theatrical film starring Breaking Bad's Aaron Paul, Need For Speed is one of the, if not the most, well known Racing series of all time. Perhaps one of the series most popular entries was 2005’s Need For Speed: Most Wanted, the first installment on the then shiny, new Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3.

Thursday, March 14, 2019

Marchopping Block 14: This Man

Creepypasta’s are the internet generations version of campfire stories. Scary stories that are told and then passed around from person to person. BEN Drowned, Candle Cove, No End House, and many others fall into this category, with the latter two having been brought to the small screen thanks to  Sy-Fy’s television series, Channel Zero. It’s also thanks to that show that the genre has had its chance to showcase some of its best stories to people that would otherwise wouldn't think twice about reading the actual stories.

However Creepypasta's are no stranger to a larger format of entertainment media. Marble Hornets, the series that popularized Slender Man, was an internet film series. It was thanks in part to that series that Slender Man would become something of an icon in internet culture. Years later, he'd also get his very own feature film.

What am I getting stuff here? Creepypasta's, while they're often given a bad name thanks to the array of less-than good works, aren't strangers to the behemoth that is the entertainment industry. Case in point: This Man (also known as Ever Dream This Man?), a story that began to circulate towards the end of 2009, and quickly became a Creepypasta.

Wednesday, March 13, 2019

Marchopping Block 13: StarCraft: Ghost

There's a certain bit of painful irony fans of Blizzard Entertainment see when they look back on StarCraft: Ghost. When the reskinned mobile game masquerading as Diablo: Immortal was revealed to the world at Blizzcon 2018, fans couldn't help but remember the cancellation of Ghost.

Tuesday, March 12, 2019

Marchopping Block 12: My Little Pony: The Movie

Adapting a property into a film can be difficult—especially one that to many is an enigma. There are periods when a property is ripe for an adaptation, and more often than not: that time comes and goes due to studios not taking advantage of it. After that point has passed: the potential box office revenue drops—fast. People move onto the next big thing and only the most devoted stay. Sure, some will remain an unvocal, unengaged member of the fanbase, but the deviation from the series will continue until there's no interest left in it.

Examples of this are Warcraft, which admittedly performed amazingly overseas where the series is still extremely popular. In the US and other territories, however, the series has seen people come and go like seasons. Another example is 2018’s Slender Man. The character, while he still has a fan base, isn't anywhere near as popular as he was in the early 2010s.

Arguably one of the better examples, however, is 2017’s My Little Pony: The Movie, a big screen adaptation of the fourth generation of the series: Friendship is Magic. This movie released at an odd time in the series life—coming out towards the end of it. While not a rarity for a television series, Pony (as it'll be referred to from here on out) is a toy line and like any series based off of toys: the purpose is to sell them. In the case of Pony: that goal was no different, but it had some unused ideas that make it sound more akin to a fanfiction than an actual movie.

Monday, March 11, 2019

Marchopping Block 11: Dead Island 2

California is a place known for Hollywood, sunshine, beaches, celebrities, and the Zodiac Killer. All in all, it's the ideal place to take a vacation if you can afford it.

In the eyes of Deep Silver, however, California is the perfect place to unleash hordes of zombies. Perhaps it's a metaphor for the ritzy folks living in Los Angeles and Hollywood in general. Perhaps zombies and cities go together. Regardless, in 2014 at Sony's E3 conference, Dead Island 2 was revealed and then died like any of the hundreds or thousands of zombies the player would have subsequently massacred over the course of the game.

Sunday, March 10, 2019

Marchopping Block 10: Tyrannosaurus Rex

Rob Zombie is a controversial director to say the least. His films, while far from being critically praised, have a devoted audience and have all attained some sort of cult following; the soon-to-be trilogy centering on the Firefly Family being the most popular. This series consists of House of a Thousand Corpses, The Devil’s Rejects, and the upcoming 3 From Hell. These films—and I’ll admit that I’m making an assumption for 3 From Hell—have all received generally so-so reviews; some loving them for their warped humor and unique sense of direction and cinematography, while others find them to be nothing more than torture porn.

Regardless of one’s views, the films helped skyrocket Zombie’s career as someone who does brutal, unrelenting violence well. In 2007, he was tapped to direct a remake of John Carpenter’s legendary slasher film: Halloween. The film was considered to be less-than stellar, though there was, as always, a niche audience for it. The sequel on the other hand, not so much. This resulted in Zombie returning to his own original projects which consisted of Lords of Salem and 31.

Prior to those two however, Zombie had another film planned. One that would’ve deviated from his normal genre of violent horror. This film was called Tyrannosaurus Rex and it remains one of the most frustrating canceled films in my eyes for the simple fact that its premise remains one of the coolest and most intriguing to date.

Saturday, March 9, 2019

Marchopping Block 9: L.A. Noire


Hey, remember in the entry for Agent how I mentioned that when Rockstar was working on a “new franchise for the PlayStation 3” that some speculated was “another certain upcoming, and extremely troubled, Rockstar game?” Yeah, the game I was hinting at there was L.A. Noire.

Friday, March 8, 2019

Marchopping Block 8: Monster Trucks

Children’s movies are often dark in some fashion or form. Sid’s room in Toy Story still haunts me to this day, Finding Nemo has its opening scene, and Cars 2 is grim to say the least. Then there’s Monster Trucks, which is dark for an entirely different reason. Or rather, was dark.

Marchopping Block 7: Brothers in Arms: Furious 4

Ah, the somber tone of World War II. Fighting against Nazi Germany: considered by many to be one of the most evil, tyrannical governments to have ever existed in human history. The systematic extermination of Jewish people under Chancellor Adolf Hitler and his “Final Solution”. In total, six million Jews were murdered in one of the worst genocides ever seen on Earth.

It's only natural such horrors would attract the entertainment industry. The idea of seeing such monsters get their just desserts would be appealing. In the case of video games, the mere idea of being able to be the one to stop them is even more appealing. Medal of Honor and Call of Duty were the two biggest stars of the World War II military shooter; the latter eventually coming out victorious and now being an annualized first-person shooter known more for its multiplayer and zombies mode that in of itself is a strong enough selling point and could feasibly be its own video game. Nobody tell Activision.

In the midst of those two franchises fighting, a smaller series emerged from Gearbox Software. Brothers in Arms was its name. The game was praised for a much more realistic tone and difficulty; delving into the horrors of the war and the more psychological effects it had, as opposed to the feel-good “we are the champions” tone that both Medal of Honor and Call of Duty sported.

With its presence established, Brothers in Arms went onto spawn sequels and spin-offs. After a while of spin-offs however, the demand for a new main entry struck at an all-time. It was then that Brothers in Arms: Furious 4 was announced. Fans were ready for a next-gen entry of the gritty, emotional, and powerful World War II series; one that would teach Call of Duty who the real alpha military shooter series was. Nobody—nobody—takes away a title from Randy Pitchford!


Mini Mystery 11: Belle Gunness

I’m sorry to inform all of you that Belle Gunness bears absolutely relationship—inspiration or otherwise—to the Belle that was voiced by Paige O’Hara in Beauty and the Beast. However, I do have reason to believe that she inspired Emma Watson in the 2017 live action version as just like Watson’s singing, Belle is one of America’s most notorious female serial killers, and most certainly left me cringing.

Wednesday, March 6, 2019

Marchopping Block 6: Ślizgawka w Łazienkach

Let’s take a trip back in time to the 1890s. Movies are just being born; one of the first of these being made by controversial inventor Thomas Edison. Some credit him with the first hand-tinted film, which was made back in 1895. Before that however—if you wish to believe the estimates—there was Ślizgawka w Łazienkach, or “Ice Rink in Łazienki”.

Tuesday, March 5, 2019

Marchopping Block 5: Agent

One of the video game industry’s biggest names and powerhouses is without a doubt Rockstar Games. The creators of Grand Theft Auto and the Red Dead series are like very few in the industry, weaving together engaging gameplay, expansive and detailed worlds, and some of the most enrapturing stories. However, they’re also extremely secretive with their projects; seldom does anything get out about them. One of the best cases of this is with Agent.

Monday, March 4, 2019

Marchopping Block 4: Fant4stic

November of 1961 saw the creation of Marvel Comics “First Family”. Known as the Fantastic Four, the series lead to the creation of the Marvel Universe. Such a massively successful property by today’s standards should be ripe for a movie franchise given the gargantuan success of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Such an assumption would be wrong in so many ways, you could write an entire book on it.

Like the X-Men, the movie license to the Fantastic Four is owned by Fox, though they were initially owned by Constantin Film. Since 1992, there have been a total of four films featuring the titular heroes. The first was made by Roger Corman and supposedly never meant to see the light of day; a low-budget fare that for a while only existed in the form of low quality bootlegs.

The second—simply titled “Fantastic Four”—was released in 2005 and directed by Tim Story. Although met with mixed to negative reception, the movie was a massive hit, grossing $330.6 million against a $100 million dollar budget. Two years later, a sequel was released entitled “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer”, which was to be followed up with a third film and a spin-off that would center on the titular Silver Surfer. Met with similar reviews and somewhat of a box office success (grossing $290 million against a $130 million dollar budget).

The less-than stellar box office results from Rise of the Silver Surfer led to three things: the cancelation of the planned third film, the cancelation of the spin-off, and a years-long dormancy on the Fantastic Four property. During this time, the Marvel Cinematic Universe would come into existence and reshape the superhero genre forever—after which, the House of Mouse bought Marvel. Not wanting to be left out, Fox announced a reboot to the Fantastic Four, which then went silent for several more years.

During this silence, the rights to Daredevil were set to revert back to Marvel, who offered to extend their time hold onto them in exchange for the rights to use cosmic characters such as the aforementioned Silver Surfer and Galactus. Fox refused in what would become a long string of horrible decisions. Marvel on the other hand went on to make the critically acclaimed Netflix television series “Daredevil”.

As for those other horrible decisions, they tie into today’s focus: 2015’s Fant4stic; a movie whose quality can be summed up by just calling it Fant4stic.

Sunday, March 3, 2019

Marchopping Block 3: World of Warcraft: Warlords of Draenor

Regarded by some as the worst expansion in the then ten year history of World of Warcraft history, Warlords of Draenor had a development that saw an incredible amount of content get scrapped due to story rewrites, time constraints, fan backlash, and a lack of direction the likes of which the game wouldn't see until the 2018 expansion, Battle For Azeroth.

Saturday, March 2, 2019

Marchopping Block 2: Newt

Considered by many to be the greatest animation studio to ever exist, Pixar has a monopoly in the way of successes. Of their twenty films, only one—The Good Dinosaur—has flopped, and only one has received a “rotten” score on Rottentomatoes. The studio has also won a staggering fifteen Academy Awards, nine Golden Globes, and eleven Grammys. Indeed, Pixar’s reputation exceeds itself; having been founded by Edwin Catmull and Alvy Ray Smith and eventually being bought by the House of Mouse itself: Disney.

The story of Pixar’s acquisition by Disney is in of itself a story; a very difficult one that resulted in Disney threatening to make sequels to Toy Story 2, Monsters Inc., and Finding Nemo. Of those three, the third Toy Story was the closest to being made while the Finding Nemo sequel has absolutely nothing on it. Perhaps we’ll cover that another time. For now, we’re here to talk about one of the very few Pixar films to have never been made: Newt.

Friday, March 1, 2019

Marchopping Block Bonus Entry: Sad Satan

The internet is a really big place to put it mildly, with 4.5 billion websites indexed across the various search engines. Because of this, you can find nearly anything on it if you look hard enough. If you want to take into account the Deep Web, which is said to be 400 to 500 billion times larger than the “surface web”. It’s there that you’ll find things ranging from websites simply not indexed by search engines like Google and Yahoo. To access these sites, one must use the Tor search engine. Popular lore states that the deep web is the home to “Red Rooms”—live streams where you pay to have people brutally tortured for the pleasure of yourself and others, a la Hostel. Whether or not they exist can only be proven should you be ballsy enough to seek one out.

However, not everything on the Deep Web has murderous intent. There's the infamous “Silk Road”, which was a popular place for drug users to find their fix, your average conspiracy websites that will tell you how the government is hiding aliens and other terrible secrets, and other amateurish websites that people make because they’re bored. There's also the now famous Sad Satan, which is nothing like those other websites and has horribly illegal content involved.

Marchopping Block 1: The Lost Symbol

Renowned nobody Vertigo stumbled into his kitchen to post this blog for dying from Dan Brown Syndrome. Nonetheless, he presents Marchopping Block.

Well hello there, dear reader. Today is the first of March—or at least at the time this is being posted. Anyways, that means it's time for a new daily blog series, and it's one I've wanted to do for about a year now. You see, I started this blog because I'm writing a book. This is still true, it just so happens life's very wonky right now. But to amend for the lost time when it comes to writing it, I figured I'd write some of the entries as blogs. 15 film's and 15 video games, plus one bonus entry. Will it be a game or movie? You'll find out later today.

Anyways, before we dive into the first entry, I want to lay down one very, very important detail. This series is not representative of the book's quality—whenever it's released. As these are blogs, I'm going to have a bit of fun with these entries; a bit more snark than I think I could get away with in a book.

With that said, let's talk about. Dan Brown's Robert Langdon series, which stands as one of the best selling mystery series of all time. Our focus, however, is The Lost Symbol. Living up to its name, the film adaptation is lost in development limbo.

Tuesday, February 26, 2019

Mini Mystery 10: Jerome of Sandy Cove

Brief preface: I dedicate this blog entry to my friend The Bricklayer. Happy birthday, Brick!

Now then: every now and then, there comes a story that reads more like a short story rather than a real mystery. The Man from Taured is a great example of this: a story passed around decades after it happened and no mention of the incident prior to that.

But while that mystery may be more firmly rooted in myth than reality, the world is filled with many unidentified individuals; the United States having as many as 40,000 according to Wikipedia. Some of who are later definitively identified and their stories finally closed. Those that aren't are typically the victims of foul play, their bodies either too badly decomposed for positive identification or nobody coming forward to identify the body as a friend, acquaintance, or loved one.

Then there are stories like Jerome of Sandy Cove. A story that reads more like The Man from Taured, only it's verifiable it happened.

Monday, February 25, 2019

Conspiracy Corner 2: Christopher Asher Wray

When it comes to the administration of President Donald Trump, there's so hear-say that trying to piece together one claim is nearly impossible before three more come out. Whether it's the feuds with former FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe, Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein, Attorney General Jeff Sessions, or his disagreements with former Secretary of Defense James “Mad Dog” Mattis, you can count on there being some sort of drama that exists.

One target of this drama comes primarily from Trump's supporters: current FBI Director Christopher Asher Wray, A registered Republican, Wray's been described as a non-partisan lawman and very quiet, which is apparent given how little he's seen in the public eye for conferences. To some, this is a sign of a man who dedicates himself to his work and hos job. To others, it's a sign up something more sinister and evil.

A sign of a deep state puppet.

Wednesday, February 20, 2019

Mini Mystery 9: Kryptos

When it comes to the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), there are a plethora of conspiracies and mysteries surrounding them. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that when there’s a major event related to geopolitics, you’re guaranteed to see someone mention the CIA. Though there’s one in particular that I don’t see mentioned nearly enough, at least in my eyes. It’s name is Kryptos and it’s one of many unsolved ciphers. But since it’s the CIA, it’s naturally significantly more mysterious and magnetic when it comes to the tinfoil brigade.

Sunday, February 17, 2019

Riff Review 15: Happy Appy Original Thread

As I stated in the first part to my Happy Appy riff, that story wasn’t the original one. Indeed, the original Happy Appy is a forum post on Roblox back in 2010. So I guess that explains why the main character in the actual story goes to Roblox to search for information on the show. Anyways, to pretend that I can steal the thunder from Dorkpool, this is my riff of the Happy Appy: Original Thread.

Thursday, February 14, 2019

The Truth Behind: The Saint Valentine's Day Massacre

Valentine’s Day has often been referred to as a “Hallmark holiday”. A day when people have excuses to either make candy bracelets, buy schmaltzy cards, or bouquets of roses for their significant other. Suffice to say, I’m not a fan of the holiday, but to each their own.

That said, there is another side to this oh-so beloved (and loathed) holiday that I do happen to love. It’s a day that lives on in infamy and legend in Chicago. A time when law didn’t rule, but rather crime did. It’s an event known only as the Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre and today marks the 90th anniversary of what is often called the most legendary Mob hit job. So let’s dive into this story and both learn about it and the theories as to who the hitmen were.

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Top 20 Favorite Creepypastas

I may not convey it well, but I do like creepypastas. It just so happens the vast majority aren't very good. Still, I do have some I really like. So, after four months, here are my twenty favorite creepypastas.

Monday, February 11, 2019

Riff-Review 13: The Rake

I wanna say right off the bat that I love this story. It’s very simplistic in nature and the central creature is so basic in its design that it’s one of my go-to creatures for when I want to try and write a horror story. Now for the downside: it’s a creepypasta and it’s not very long. So let’s take a gander at The Rake.

Sunday, February 10, 2019

Riff-Review 12: Cats

I've been posting cat pictures each day on a Discord server I'm a part of. As such, I thought it'd be fitting I tackle a creepypasta that featured cats. With that said: here's Cats.

Saturday, February 9, 2019

Riff Review: Happy Appy (Part Two)

Hello, dear reader! I hope you're having a super spectacular day Welcome back to the riff of Happy Appy. I want to preface this entry by mentioning a few things that I learned about this story. The first is that even this version—the “original version”—was written by someone at the age of 13 or so. They did so with the intention of having it be as drawn out as possible and yes, to be as horrible as possible.

I'm skeptical of this.

This story, as you'll see, is so absurdly elaborate and ludicrous that I can't quite fathom a 13 year old being capable of weaving all of this together. Is it impossible? Absolutely not. But do I find it probable? No. Nonetheless, believe what you wish to believe. I have no reason to make you believe my point of view. The author may very well have been trying to make the most unreadable creepypasta ever, but it sure doesn't read like something that's meant to be bad. To me, it reads no less intentionally bad than the original Jeff the Killer.

The second is that the “true vision” expands upon a lot the “original vision” doesn't. This I expected, but I refuse to restart and wouldn't even if this story was short because it'd offer a lot less comedic potential. After all: the original is always better!

The third is the biggest though. I've learned there's an official sequel to this story entitled “Happy Appy 2: Dumb Angel”. It's almost 10k words longer than this story. I'll definitely be riffing that story, but not any time soon. Maybe around the summertime. For now, let's recap.

When we last left off: we saw that our nameless author was getting more suspicious of the kids show that had a scene depicting 9/11 in 1999. We also saw that his friend, Kevin, was likely killed by a sapient apple. Now then, let's dive back into Happy Appy!

Thursday, February 7, 2019

Mini-Mystery 8: Ricky McCormick

The man in question.

I've been doing a lot of riffs as of late and I'm deeply sorry to anyone who doesn't enjoy them. Don't worry: they won't replace mystery blogs. It's been an excruciatingly painful—emotionally anyways—past twenty days. As such, the riff blogs have been a great outlet for me to channel most of my stress and aggravation. A shame it isn’t all of it.

That said, I wanna try to get back into the swing of things. So, let's briefly discuss Ricky McCormick.

Wednesday, February 6, 2019

Riff-Review 11: Knock-Out's Annoyance, Blueblood's Bad Day

I’m going to preface this by saying that I know next to nothing about the Transformers series. All of my knowledge comes from the Michael Bay films and according to friends of mine that are fans of the series, along with a snippets of reviews I’ve seen from fans on sites like YouTube, those films disgrace the name. In spite of that however, I still think the series is quite cool. Giant, talking alien robots that can transform into cars, jets, tanks, and guns (among other things)? That’s wicked! A shame I’m terrible at watching television.

Now pair that up with a series like My Little Pony and… well, let’s just dive into my good friend The Bricklayer’s story: Knock-Out’s Annoyance, Blueblood’s Bad Day and see what ensues.

Tuesday, February 5, 2019

Riff-Review 10: Happy Appy (Part One)

Back in October of last year, I did a list of my top 20 least favorite creepypastas. At the top spot was Happy Appy. It’s a story that I admitted I never finished due to how abysmal it was. From its… well, everything. Everything about it is awful. Nothing works. That changes starting today however as I shall begin a multi-part riff of this story. I think it’ll be the first full riff, at least from what I can tell. I found a blog that had I think three parts done, but it wasn’t anywhere close to finishing the story. Oh well, I hope those looking for a riff of this story and stumble across this blog enjoy what they read.

Now then, before we dive into this 20,000+ word abomination, let me preface this by saying this is the “original version” of the creepypasta and not the “true vision”. The latter was “engineered” to be one of the worst creepypastas ever made. From what I can tell by skimming it though, it’s the exact same story, but with better grammar and descriptives. So I can only guess the selfmade claim it makes is just referring to it not fixing any of the plot issues. I think also bears mentioning that Happy Appy’s origins are not with this story, but with a Candle Cove ripoff. I may riff that down the line, but if you’re curious, here’s a hyperlink to a riff of that story by someone named “Dorkpool”. So with that said, let’s dive into this story.

Monday, February 4, 2019

Riff-Review 9: smile.jpg

If you don’t send this riff of smile.jpg to five other people, you will die in 3 days.

Saturday, February 2, 2019

Riff-Review 6: 1999 (Part One)

Oh boy. I've wanted to talk about this story for over two years now. Let's not waste any time. Let's dive into 1999.

Friday, February 1, 2019

Riff-Reviews 4&5: Jersey 77 and The Woman in the Oven

The great thing about horror is you can have it work no matter the length of story. As such: I love short horror stories. It can showcase the talent of an author and their ability to set all the necessary parts to a story up in a paragraph or two.

On the flip side, you get stories like the two we're going to discuss. I call them Jersey 77 and The Woman in the Oven.

Riff-Review 3: The Expressionless

World's best poker face.

As of late: I've been doing “Riff-Reviews”. I hadn't intended to keep doing them, but due to next month beginning another daily blog post series, and today being the start the shortest month of the year (and the month of love), I think I'll keep doing them do stem the tide between now and what March is going to bring us. So, let's shake things up and move on from stories I dislike. While riffing is often reserved for bad stories, I want to do a story that I genuinely like—heck, it'll be on my Top 20 favorite creepypastas whenever I get to that. So without further ado, let's dive into The Expressionless.