When it comes to the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), there are a plethora of conspiracies and mysteries surrounding them. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that when there’s a major event related to geopolitics, you’re guaranteed to see someone mention the CIA. Though there’s one in particular that I don’t see mentioned nearly enough, at least in my eyes. It’s name is Kryptos and it’s one of many unsolved ciphers. But since it’s the CIA, it’s naturally significantly more mysterious and magnetic when it comes to the tinfoil brigade.
Wednesday, February 20, 2019
Sunday, February 17, 2019
As I stated in the first part to my Happy Appy riff, that story wasn’t the original one. Indeed, the original Happy Appy is a forum post on Roblox back in 2010. So I guess that explains why the main character in the actual story goes to Roblox to search for information on the show. Anyways, to pretend that I can steal the thunder from Dorkpool, this is my riff of the Happy Appy: Original Thread.
Thursday, February 14, 2019
Valentine’s Day has often been referred to as a “Hallmark holiday”. A day when people have excuses to either make candy bracelets, buy schmaltzy cards, or bouquets of roses for their significant other. Suffice to say, I’m not a fan of the holiday, but to each their own.
That said, there is another side to this oh-so beloved (and loathed) holiday that I do happen to love. It’s a day that lives on in infamy and legend in Chicago. A time when law didn’t rule, but rather crime did. It’s an event known only as the Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre and today marks the 90th anniversary of what is often called the most legendary Mob hit job. So let’s dive into this story and both learn about it and the theories as to who the hitmen were.
Wednesday, February 13, 2019
Last time I featured LightningSword on this blog, I will on a massive tirade about how awful of a writer I see him as. Today, I dive into another one of his stories because my friend, The Bricklayer, requested I do so. However, I want to try and be nicer and attack the author less. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel I was a bit too harsh last time. So with that said: here's Always There.
Tuesday, February 12, 2019
Monday, February 11, 2019
I wanna say right off the bat that I love this story. It’s very simplistic in nature and the central creature is so basic in its design that it’s one of my go-to creatures for when I want to try and write a horror story. Now for the downside: it’s a creepypasta and it’s not very long. So let’s take a gander at The Rake.
Sunday, February 10, 2019
Saturday, February 9, 2019
Hello, dear reader! I hope you're having a super spectacular day Welcome back to the riff of Happy Appy. I want to preface this entry by mentioning a few things that I learned about this story. The first is that even this version—the “original version”—was written by someone at the age of 13 or so. They did so with the intention of having it be as drawn out as possible and yes, to be as horrible as possible.
I'm skeptical of this.
This story, as you'll see, is so absurdly elaborate and ludicrous that I can't quite fathom a 13 year old being capable of weaving all of this together. Is it impossible? Absolutely not. But do I find it probable? No. Nonetheless, believe what you wish to believe. I have no reason to make you believe my point of view. The author may very well have been trying to make the most unreadable creepypasta ever, but it sure doesn't read like something that's meant to be bad. To me, it reads no less intentionally bad than the original Jeff the Killer.
The second is that the “true vision” expands upon a lot the “original vision” doesn't. This I expected, but I refuse to restart and wouldn't even if this story was short because it'd offer a lot less comedic potential. After all: the original is always better!
The third is the biggest though. I've learned there's an official sequel to this story entitled “Happy Appy 2: Dumb Angel”. It's almost 10k words longer than this story. I'll definitely be riffing that story, but not any time soon. Maybe around the summertime. For now, let's recap.
When we last left off: we saw that our nameless author was getting more suspicious of the kids show that had a scene depicting 9/11 in 1999. We also saw that his friend, Kevin, was likely killed by a sapient apple. Now then, let's dive back into Happy Appy!
Thursday, February 7, 2019
|The man in question.|
I've been doing a lot of riffs as of late and I'm deeply sorry to anyone who doesn't enjoy them. Don't worry: they won't replace mystery blogs. It's been an excruciatingly painful—emotionally anyways—past twenty days. As such, the riff blogs have been a great outlet for me to channel most of my stress and aggravation. A shame it isn’t all of it.
That said, I wanna try to get back into the swing of things. So, let's briefly discuss Ricky McCormick.
Wednesday, February 6, 2019
I’m going to preface this by saying that I know next to nothing about the Transformers series. All of my knowledge comes from the Michael Bay films and according to friends of mine that are fans of the series, along with a snippets of reviews I’ve seen from fans on sites like YouTube, those films disgrace the name. In spite of that however, I still think the series is quite cool. Giant, talking alien robots that can transform into cars, jets, tanks, and guns (among other things)? That’s wicked! A shame I’m terrible at watching television.
Now pair that up with a series like My Little Pony and… well, let’s just dive into my good friend The Bricklayer’s story: Knock-Out’s Annoyance, Blueblood’s Bad Day and see what ensues.
Tuesday, February 5, 2019
Back in October of last year, I did a list of my top 20 least favorite creepypastas. At the top spot was Happy Appy. It’s a story that I admitted I never finished due to how abysmal it was. From its… well, everything. Everything about it is awful. Nothing works. That changes starting today however as I shall begin a multi-part riff of this story. I think it’ll be the first full riff, at least from what I can tell. I found a blog that had I think three parts done, but it wasn’t anywhere close to finishing the story. Oh well, I hope those looking for a riff of this story and stumble across this blog enjoy what they read.
Now then, before we dive into this 20,000+ word abomination, let me preface this by saying this is the “original version” of the creepypasta and not the “true vision”. The latter was “engineered” to be one of the worst creepypastas ever made. From what I can tell by skimming it though, it’s the exact same story, but with better grammar and descriptives. So I can only guess the selfmade claim it makes is just referring to it not fixing any of the plot issues. I think also bears mentioning that Happy Appy’s origins are not with this story, but with a Candle Cove ripoff. I may riff that down the line, but if you’re curious, here’s a hyperlink to a riff of that story by someone named “Dorkpool”. So with that said, let’s dive into this story.
Monday, February 4, 2019
Sunday, February 3, 2019
I must admit that I've been really harsh on FiMFiction late. This is because much of what's submitted there is standard fanfiction quality; it's either okay, subpar, or bad. The gems in the sea of okay-tier stories are increasingly hard to find as more people join the site. So that brings us to today. As a self imposed challenge, I'm gonna riff a friend's story. I'm terrible at being harsh to my friends—so much so, I've lied to some about certain things. Don't worry, if you're friends with me now and are reading this, it doesn't relate to you.
Anyways: this story. Well, it looks better than the past two stories, though that's not a challenge. My friend is also a significantly better writer than the previous two authors. She's certainly more competent in the field of not being a self-centered buffoon who sees criticism as evil. Though I was also “jokingly” asked if I'd be extra nice to this story. As such, I'll be extra cruel. So without further ado: let's dive into Scootaloo's Family.
Saturday, February 2, 2019
|Cover art for the story.|
FiMFiction has a reputation for being a breeding ground of drama; both of stories and of users either going at each other's throats feral dogs fighting over week old meat or having emotional outbursts for self-loathing or some other asinine reason. Now, it is worth clarifying that here are times where a user suffers from genuine problems and their platform of choice is FiMFiction, whether it be due to those that follow them love their creative content or because there's a sense of anonymity on there. But more often than not, everything amounts to a pity party
That's where today's author comes in. LightningSword is an author with over 1,000 followers, a little under four times the amount of followers I ever amassed and either a dedicated fanbase that's become his own personal hugbox. Normally, I'd not include details like this, but it's relevant to the story at hand, to bear with me.
LS—as he's sometimes referred to—has a reputation for throwing pity parties at the same pace the President of the United States sends out tweets, perhaps even more frequently. It's because of this that many have made it a hobby of deliberately setting LS off for their own amusement, and LS responds in kind thanks to his inability to learn self-restraint.
Case in point: Critical Analysis, a supposed satire story that's as much satire as Paranormal Activity is a documentary on the inner workings of copper mining. Let's dig in and see if we can find out why LS is so beloved on FiMFiction or if I'm just ignorant to the quality standards of MLP fanfiction.
Friday, February 1, 2019
The great thing about horror is you can have it work no matter the length of story. As such: I love short horror stories. It can showcase the talent of an author and their ability to set all the necessary parts to a story up in a paragraph or two.
On the flip side, you get stories like the two we're going to discuss. I call them Jersey 77 and The Woman in the Oven.
|World's best poker face.|
As of late: I've been doing “Riff-Reviews”. I hadn't intended to keep doing them, but due to next month beginning another daily blog post series, and today being the start the shortest month of the year (and the month of love), I think I'll keep doing them do stem the tide between now and what March is going to bring us. So, let's shake things up and move on from stories I dislike. While riffing is often reserved for bad stories, I want to do a story that I genuinely like—heck, it'll be on my Top 20 favorite creepypastas whenever I get to that. So without further ado, let's dive into The Expressionless.
|Run, run, run, run, run, run awaaaaaaay.|
The idea that there other sentient—or sapient—humanoids on Earth is by no means a new one. Whether the idea is that of little people such as gnomes or elves, or that of surviving ancestors of humans in the form of Bigfoot or the Yeti. Alas, evidence for these creatures is sparse. The word of someone can only carry so much weight before you have to put faith into it to believe their memory isn't misremembering details.
That said, photographic and video evidence is another thing. Although hoaxes exist, and will until the day the universe ends, it's much easier to dismiss what is fakery. As a result, we can set our attention on what deserves it: the evidence that's we can't disprove. Which brings us to today's mystery: The Wessex Way Monster.