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Hi! Welcome to Vertigo's Fun House. Here, you'll find write-ups on unsolved mysteries, riffs of creepypastas/fanfiction, and more. Thanks for stopping by! It means a lot.

Wednesday, February 20, 2019

Mini Mystery 9: Kryptos

When it comes to the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), there are a plethora of conspiracies and mysteries surrounding them. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that when there’s a major event related to geopolitics, you’re guaranteed to see someone mention the CIA. Though there’s one in particular that I don’t see mentioned nearly enough, at least in my eyes. It’s name is Kryptos and it’s one of many unsolved ciphers. But since it’s the CIA, it’s naturally significantly more mysterious and magnetic when it comes to the tinfoil brigade.

Sunday, February 17, 2019

Riff Review 15: Happy Appy Original Thread

As I stated in the first part to my Happy Appy riff, that story wasn’t the original one. Indeed, the original Happy Appy is a forum post on Roblox back in 2010. So I guess that explains why the main character in the actual story goes to Roblox to search for information on the show. Anyways, to pretend that I can steal the thunder from Dorkpool, this is my riff of the Happy Appy: Original Thread.

Thursday, February 14, 2019

The Truth Behind: The Saint Valentine's Day Massacre

Valentine’s Day has often been referred to as a “Hallmark holiday”. A day when people have excuses to either make candy bracelets, buy schmaltzy cards, or bouquets of roses for their significant other. Suffice to say, I’m not a fan of the holiday, but to each their own.

That said, there is another side to this oh-so beloved (and loathed) holiday that I do happen to love. It’s a day that lives on in infamy and legend in Chicago. A time when law didn’t rule, but rather crime did. It’s an event known only as the Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre and today marks the 90th anniversary of what is often called the most legendary Mob hit job. So let’s dive into this story and both learn about it and the theories as to who the hitmen were.

Wednesday, February 13, 2019

Riff-Review 14: Always There

Last time I featured LightningSword on this blog, I will on a massive tirade about how awful of a writer I see him as. Today, I dive  into another one of his stories because my friend, The Bricklayer, requested I do so. However, I want to try and be nicer and attack the author less. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel I was a bit too harsh last time. So with that said: here's Always There.

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Top 20 Favorite Creepypastas

I may not convey it well, but I do like creepypastas. It just so happens the vast majority aren't very good. Still, I do have some I really like. So, after four months, here are my twenty favorite creepypastas.

Monday, February 11, 2019

Riff-Review 13: The Rake

I wanna say right off the bat that I love this story. It’s very simplistic in nature and the central creature is so basic in its design that it’s one of my go-to creatures for when I want to try and write a horror story. Now for the downside: it’s a creepypasta and it’s not very long. So let’s take a gander at The Rake.

Sunday, February 10, 2019

Riff-Review 12: Cats

I've been posting cat pictures each day on a Discord server I'm a part of. As such, I thought it'd be fitting I tackle a creepypasta that featured cats. With that said: here's Cats.

Saturday, February 9, 2019

Riff Review: Happy Appy (Part Two)

Hello, dear reader! I hope you're having a super spectacular day Welcome back to the riff of Happy Appy. I want to preface this entry by mentioning a few things that I learned about this story. The first is that even this version—the “original version”—was written by someone at the age of 13 or so. They did so with the intention of having it be as drawn out as possible and yes, to be as horrible as possible.

I'm skeptical of this.

This story, as you'll see, is so absurdly elaborate and ludicrous that I can't quite fathom a 13 year old being capable of weaving all of this together. Is it impossible? Absolutely not. But do I find it probable? No. Nonetheless, believe what you wish to believe. I have no reason to make you believe my point of view. The author may very well have been trying to make the most unreadable creepypasta ever, but it sure doesn't read like something that's meant to be bad. To me, it reads no less intentionally bad than the original Jeff the Killer.

The second is that the “true vision” expands upon a lot the “original vision” doesn't. This I expected, but I refuse to restart and wouldn't even if this story was short because it'd offer a lot less comedic potential. After all: the original is always better!

The third is the biggest though. I've learned there's an official sequel to this story entitled “Happy Appy 2: Dumb Angel”. It's almost 10k words longer than this story. I'll definitely be riffing that story, but not any time soon. Maybe around the summertime. For now, let's recap.

When we last left off: we saw that our nameless author was getting more suspicious of the kids show that had a scene depicting 9/11 in 1999. We also saw that his friend, Kevin, was likely killed by a sapient apple. Now then, let's dive back into Happy Appy!

Thursday, February 7, 2019

Mini-Mystery 8: Ricky McCormick

The man in question.

I've been doing a lot of riffs as of late and I'm deeply sorry to anyone who doesn't enjoy them. Don't worry: they won't replace mystery blogs. It's been an excruciatingly painful—emotionally anyways—past twenty days. As such, the riff blogs have been a great outlet for me to channel most of my stress and aggravation. A shame it isn’t all of it.

That said, I wanna try to get back into the swing of things. So, let's briefly discuss Ricky McCormick.

Wednesday, February 6, 2019

Riff-Review 11: Knock-Out's Annoyance, Blueblood's Bad Day

I’m going to preface this by saying that I know next to nothing about the Transformers series. All of my knowledge comes from the Michael Bay films and according to friends of mine that are fans of the series, along with a snippets of reviews I’ve seen from fans on sites like YouTube, those films disgrace the name. In spite of that however, I still think the series is quite cool. Giant, talking alien robots that can transform into cars, jets, tanks, and guns (among other things)? That’s wicked! A shame I’m terrible at watching television.

Now pair that up with a series like My Little Pony and… well, let’s just dive into my good friend The Bricklayer’s story: Knock-Out’s Annoyance, Blueblood’s Bad Day and see what ensues.

Tuesday, February 5, 2019

Riff-Review 10: Happy Appy (Part One)

Back in October of last year, I did a list of my top 20 least favorite creepypastas. At the top spot was Happy Appy. It’s a story that I admitted I never finished due to how abysmal it was. From its… well, everything. Everything about it is awful. Nothing works. That changes starting today however as I shall begin a multi-part riff of this story. I think it’ll be the first full riff, at least from what I can tell. I found a blog that had I think three parts done, but it wasn’t anywhere close to finishing the story. Oh well, I hope those looking for a riff of this story and stumble across this blog enjoy what they read.

Now then, before we dive into this 20,000+ word abomination, let me preface this by saying this is the “original version” of the creepypasta and not the “true vision”. The latter was “engineered” to be one of the worst creepypastas ever made. From what I can tell by skimming it though, it’s the exact same story, but with better grammar and descriptives. So I can only guess the selfmade claim it makes is just referring to it not fixing any of the plot issues. I think also bears mentioning that Happy Appy’s origins are not with this story, but with a Candle Cove ripoff. I may riff that down the line, but if you’re curious, here’s a hyperlink to a riff of that story by someone named “Dorkpool”. So with that said, let’s dive into this story.

Monday, February 4, 2019

Riff-Review 9: smile.jpg

If you don’t send this riff of smile.jpg to five other people, you will die in 3 days.

Sunday, February 3, 2019

Riff-Review 8: Scootaloo's Parents

I must admit that I've been really harsh on FiMFiction late. This is because much of what's submitted there is standard fanfiction quality; it's either okay, subpar, or bad. The gems in the sea of okay-tier stories are increasingly hard to find as more people join the site. So that brings us to today. As a self imposed challenge, I'm gonna riff a friend's story. I'm terrible at being harsh to my friends—so much so, I've lied to some about certain things. Don't worry, if you're friends with me now and are reading this, it doesn't relate to you.

Anyways: this story. Well, it looks better than the past two stories, though that's not a challenge. My friend is also a significantly better writer than the previous two authors. She's certainly more competent in the field of not being a self-centered buffoon who sees criticism as evil. Though I was also “jokingly” asked if I'd be extra nice to this story. As such, I'll be extra cruel. So without further ado: let's dive into Scootaloo's Family.

Saturday, February 2, 2019

Riff Review 7: Critical Analysis

Cover art for the story.

FiMFiction has a reputation for being a breeding ground of drama; both of stories and of users either going at each other's throats feral dogs fighting over week old meat or having emotional outbursts for self-loathing or some other asinine reason. Now, it is worth clarifying that here are times where a user suffers from genuine problems and their platform of choice is FiMFiction, whether it be due to those that follow them love their creative content or because there's a sense of anonymity on there. But more often than not, everything amounts to a pity party

That's where today's author comes in. LightningSword is an author with over 1,000 followers, a little under four times the amount of followers I ever amassed and either a dedicated fanbase that's become his own personal hugbox. Normally, I'd not include details like this, but it's relevant to the story at hand, to bear with me.

LS—as he's sometimes referred to—has a reputation for throwing pity parties at the same pace the President of the United States sends out tweets, perhaps even more frequently. It's because of this that many have made it a hobby of deliberately setting LS off for their own amusement, and LS responds in kind thanks to his inability to learn self-restraint.

Case in point: Critical Analysis, a supposed satire story that's as much satire as Paranormal Activity is a documentary on the inner workings of copper mining. Let's dig in and see if we can find out why LS is so beloved on FiMFiction or if I'm just ignorant to the quality standards of MLP fanfiction.

Riff-Review 6: 1999 (Part One)

Oh boy. I've wanted to talk about this story for over two years now. Let's not waste any time. Let's dive into 1999.

Friday, February 1, 2019

Riff-Reviews 4&5: Jersey 77 and The Woman in the Oven

The great thing about horror is you can have it work no matter the length of story. As such: I love short horror stories. It can showcase the talent of an author and their ability to set all the necessary parts to a story up in a paragraph or two.

On the flip side, you get stories like the two we're going to discuss. I call them Jersey 77 and The Woman in the Oven.

Riff-Review 3: The Expressionless

World's best poker face.

As of late: I've been doing “Riff-Reviews”. I hadn't intended to keep doing them, but due to next month beginning another daily blog post series, and today being the start the shortest month of the year (and the month of love), I think I'll keep doing them do stem the tide between now and what March is going to bring us. So, let's shake things up and move on from stories I dislike. While riffing is often reserved for bad stories, I want to do a story that I genuinely like—heck, it'll be on my Top 20 favorite creepypastas whenever I get to that. So without further ado, let's dive into The Expressionless.

Mini Mystery 7: The Wessex Way Monster

Run, run, run, run, run, run awaaaaaaay.

The idea that there other sentient—or sapient—humanoids on Earth is by no means a new one. Whether the idea is that of little people such as gnomes or elves, or that of surviving ancestors of humans in the form of Bigfoot or the Yeti. Alas, evidence for these creatures is sparse. The word of someone can only carry so much weight before you have to put faith into it to believe their memory isn't misremembering details.

That said, photographic and video evidence is another thing. Although hoaxes exist, and will until the day the universe ends, it's much easier to dismiss what is fakery. As a result, we can set our attention on what deserves it: the evidence that's we can't disprove. Which brings us to today's mystery: The Wessex Way Monster.

Thursday, January 31, 2019

Riff-Review 2: Almost Too Late

Our story's cover art.

The world of fanfiction is a fickle one. It's a place where blossoming authors can go to hone their skills and learn the ropes of writing. For others, it's a place they can share their own personal tales that their favorite characters embark on between episodes and seasons. It's also a place where many ships sail in the name of one-true pairings. Many of these stories are posted to websites like and ArchiveOfOurOwn (AO3).

Then there's Operated and designed by a British man who goes by the screen name “knighty”, this website is dedicated strictly to fanfiction related to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. It's a sleekly made site with a user-friendly layout. It also has story approvers, which means the quality of the approved stories is better if your standards are lower than the shows target demographic. I should know: I was a member of the website for two and a half years and they let me post on there without issue. As such, I don't think anything better exemplifies that point than one of the websites most popular subgenres: Anon-A-Miss.

A holiday comic widely regarded as one of the worst stories ever produced with the Pony brand-name on it, Anon-A-Miss has become an absurdly popular storyline on FiMFiction. Most of these stories deal with the fallout from the original story, wherein Sunset Shimmer is forgiven by her friends after being shunned and hated by three younger characters who hot little more than a stern talking to in spite of ruining another human's life. Good job, Hasbro.

Anyways, today's Riff-Review is of one of these Anon-A-Miss stories. It's one of the highest rated stories of this kind and simply known as Almost Too Late. It has a 476 upvotes to a mere 17 downvotes; a staggering 24,000+ views backing it all up. And yet, it exemplifies the standards of FiMFiction without stepping foot into the NSFW side of it.

Monday, January 28, 2019

Riff-Review 1: Gateway of the Mind

Nearly a decade ago, I got my start writing with reviews. This evolved into writing fiction, then fanfiction, now I'm here. I've always held onto writing reviews, but it's always been sparse. I’ve found it increasingly less fun to do so, largely because it's repetitious. There's only so much I can say about a terrible movie before I can copy and paste an old review, replace the title, and publish it. Likewise, there's only so many times I can a film is great before I can do the same thing. So I grew to review fanfiction—something that I may bring to this blog one day. The reason being that I'm guaranteed some sort of hilarity, good and bad.

That said, as of late, I've been riffing (sort of) past stories on Discord with a friend. Primarily really awful fanfiction. Much of these stories are related to the children's show: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. If you're unfamiliar with that show, we'll be getting into it very soon—hopefully before the end of the week. Anyways, to say the least: it's been enjoyable and is something new. I've partook in a few riffs before, but have more or less steered clear of them as I'm not one to perform well with others. I consider myself best when alone; my mind never moving in sync with companions while writing.

Then an idea hit me. An ingenious one. What if I riffed a story on my own? I already have a plethora of series on this blog and my hope had been to start another main—The Truth Behind—before the month ended. Alas, that didn't work out as planned. I'm still sick, I still have a fever, and even more horrid stuff has happened to hinder my writing. As a result, I'm not trusting myself to write anything serious.

However, through all of that horrible stuff, greatness has emerged. I'm feeling better as a person and I'm also feeling highly motivated in the way of my writing capabilities. And today, I've decided that I'd take that aforementioned solo riffing idea for a spin. So without further ado: let's riff-review Gateway of the Mind.

Saturday, January 26, 2019

Movie Review: Rings (2017)

The 1998 Japanese horror film known as Ringu is by far and away one of my favorite horror films. It’s a tense, psychological film that uses its premise to impose an ever increasing sense of doom upon its characters—and likewise, its viewer. It’s wonderfully filmed, terrifically acted, has a great soundtrack, and uses a great minimalist approach. All in all, it’s a film I highly recommend to anyone who wants a great J-Horror flick, or great horror flick in general. In 2002, the film was remade with future Pirates of the Caribbean direct Gore Verbinski at the film. Simply titled “The Ring”, the film began a chain of J-Horror remakes here in the United States. Almost all of these were failures critically and besides The Ring, only one ever took off in any capacity: The Grudge. Unlike that film and the others that followed in its wake, The Ring was actually well received. Critics praised its atmosphere and acting, though some found it to be a bit on the jump scare heavy side. Three years after the release of The Ring, a sequel emerged from the depths of Sadako’s well: The Ring Two. Why the film decided to spell out the number and not simply have said number there, I don’t know. Either way, the sequel was helmed by Hideo Nakata, who helmed the original Ringu. Unlike that film however, The Ring Two was critically demolished as an incredibly large downgrade from the 2002 film, let alone the original 1998 one. Jumpscares galore, poor CGI, and lackluster storytelling plagued the film. In spite of this, the film made three times its budget and as such, it was a success. Because of this, a third film—tentatively titled Ring 3D—was planned. This is thanks to 3D having something of a resurgence back then; a resurgence that would later be cemented as a staple of cinema thanks to James Cameron. Ring 3D was slated for release around 2007, but was later pushed back again and again and again. Eventually, the film dropped off the face of the Earth and was presumably canceled. Whether or not this was because the script was utter garbage is unknown, but one has to wonder how bad it was if today’s film, Rings, was capable of being made and released into 2,931 theaters.

Saturday, January 19, 2019

Mini Mystery 6: The Floating Girl in the Woods

Believe it or not, I'm walking on air.

Russia seems to have a monopoly on strange occurrences that have little to no rhyme or reason for happening. Whether it's the sky lighting up at night, people vanishing mysteriously, gigantic craters in the middle of nowhere, or Yetis in good old Siberia, you can count on Russia having it. That said, there are some mysteries that a more, shall I say, mystical sense to them. That's where today's story comes in: The Floating Girl in the Woods.

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

Canceled Cinema 2: Agent Crush

Agent Crush is a British puppet film that was slated for a release ten years ago. A trailer, poster, and three songs from the film’s soundtrack were released, but the film never arrived. Naturally, the question for such a long delay is, “what happened?” The film’s official website shut down long ago, but a quick search of the production company for the movie, Fantastic Films, still shows it listed. In fact, it lists it as being completed.

Canceled Cinema 1: Larrikins

Ah, Dreamworks. Home to the likes of Madagascar, Antz, How to Train Your Dragon, and Shrek. Whether you like them or consider them to be a discount Disney, they’ve left a sizable impression on the world of animation; many of their films having grossed hundreds of millions at the box office.

Alas, like any studio, Dreamworks has had its fair share of financial difficulties. Not every film is destined to be the next Frozen or Lion King. Sometimes, there come films that flop like a fish out of water. Other times, restructuring causes films to get stuck in development hell, or they simply don’t work as planned. One of those cases is today’s film: Larrikins.

Monday, January 14, 2019

Mini Mystery 5: The Man from Taured

*Looks at Butterfly* Is this Taured?

Reading like the start to a science-fiction novel, The Man from Taured is a brilliant tale that's somehow not a work of fiction. It happened, though exactly what the reality behind it is ranges from the outlandishly fantastical to the completely mundane.

Friday, January 11, 2019

Mini Mystery 3: Alien Autopsy

Coroner's report: it's dead 

Aliens: the bread and butter of any unsolved mystery. Ghost ships, cryptid, missing plane, strange light in the sky? You can bet your hard earned money that somewhere, at some point, someone proposed that ET was the culprit. These theories however are almost always nonsense. While they may be fun, they have as much weight to them as a parakeet feather.

That said: there are instances where aliens are a more plausible explanation, such as the Rendlesham Forest Incident. Today's story however is one where there exists a deep divide among opinions. There are those that firmly believe that that the footage from Alien Autopsy is authentic, while others consider it to be one of the greatest hoaxes of all time.

Thursday, January 10, 2019

Mini Mystery 2: Stephen Paddock

An image of Paddock from his girlfriend's Facebook page 

I was extremely hesitant to cover this monster for a few reasons. For starters, it treads into conspiracy territory and I'd hate for anyone who lost a friend or family member in the horrible attack perpetrated by Stephen Paddock to read this and believe I was being insensitive. The second is that I'm sure there will be someone who would just outright believe I was being insensitive. However, I find the mystery behind Paddock's motivation to be too interesting to pass up. So for that reason, I want to clarify two things.

The first is that this blog entry is strictly about Paddock's motivation—whatever it may have been. I'll be focusing strictly on that and while I'll be covering the conspiracy theories that come with it, I'm not going to cover them in detail. Simply put: there's a lot of claims, but not a whole lot of substance to back then up. Perhaps in the future, I'll revisit them. For now though: it's Paddock's motivation and his motivation alone.

The second is I'm not going to to politicize this. I say this as there is a theory that is political, but I won't be taking sides on it. My intention, as always, is to remain as unbiased as humanly possible.

With that said, let's dive into this tragic story and cover the worst mass shooting in United States history.

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

Mini Mystery 1: The Flatwoods Monster

Looks like a frail grandmother.

My head hurts. I have a fever that's over 100. Unsurprisingly, I'm really sick. So with that said, this is the perfect time for some low effort writing—which I want to apologize for if you want something more in-depth. Though I don't trust myself to write anything of substance without devolving into nonsensical ramblings.

Now then, I'm pretty sure that most of you—if not all of you—are familiar with creatures such as Biggest and the Loch Ness Monster. The legendary cryptids of the world; the monsters that have defined an entire field of study: Cryptozoology. While some argue that those two aforementioned creatures are nothing more than mere myths, there are those who have dedicated years, decades, or sometimes their entire lives to discovering the truth behind those creatures.

While both Bigfoot and Nessie are fascinating stories, I want to take some time to go far down the cryptid food chain to discuss a less known creature. One whose existence, although likely mundane, became the mascot for the town it was seen near. That creature is simply known as The Flatwoods Monster.

Saturday, January 5, 2019

Conspiracy Corner 1: Nibiru

Artists representation of Activision-Blizzard stocks ever since Diablo: Immortal's announcement.

Hello, dear reader! Welcome to my new blog series: Conspiracy Corner. This is one of two new series that will make up the content you see on here—the other coming at a later time this month.

Conspiracy Corner is where we’ll take a look at, well, conspiracies with as little bias as possible. I make no promises that I won't say something biased or that I won't cite a biased source at some point. Besides that, I'll be covering everything from well known theories to some lesser known ones. That said, there are theories that I'll be avoiding for extremely political reasons. I won't name them, but just know that they're minefields of controversy and the last thing I need is a potential flamewar erupting here.

The last thing I wish to make clear is that this series is not dedicated to strictly debunking or spoon feeding you confirmation bias. While I will give my own opinion[s] at times, with the closing thoughts including my overall opinion on the conspiracy itself, I'm not here to feed you what you want to see. This series is, by and large, dedicated to telling you about the conspiracy and then discussing what I’ve personally read about it in my research and studying of it. What you do with the information that I present is for you and you alone to decide. Disregard it if you believe that the theory is as you’ve personally heard it is or let it dictate what path you opt to go down in the way of believing or disregarding the theory.

With all of that said, I feel there's no better way begin a conspiracy-centric series than with the legendary and infamous Nibiru.