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Hi! Welcome to Vertigo's Fun House. Here, you'll find write-ups on unsolved mysteries, riffs of creepypastas/fanfiction, and more. Thanks for stopping by! It means a lot.

Wednesday, October 31, 2018

Top 20 Worst Creepypastas: Part 1

Creepypastas: the internet version of a campfire story. A genre that has skyrocketed numerous characters into the eye of prominence thanks to social media and new entertainment platforms such as YouTube, the creepypasta genre is abound with solid stories and absolutely dreadful ones. Today, I'm gonna go over twenty of my least favorite ones because I'm bored and don't want to write my book or a review. Instead, I feel like whining about stories more famous than me.

Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Movie Review: Amityville: The Awakening (2017)

The story of Amityville: The Awakening is one of repeated delays. Ever since it was announced back as Amityville: The Lost Tapes, I had the lowest of low expectations. A 2014 trailer didn't do it any favors, as the production values and overall feel to the film was lackluster to say the least.

As for the aforementioned delays, Awakening had at least three scheduled release dates between January of 2015 and April of 2017, each of which it never made. It wasn't until October of 2017, around the time Hurricane Harvey Weinstein struck Hollywood, that it was quietly released on Video-on-Demand to middling reviews.

I wasn't surprised to say the least and forgot about it not long after. That is, until a few weeks ago when I saw an opportunity to watch it with my girlfriend. Such an opportunity, especially after watching the Academy Award worthy likes of The Devil Inside, Slender Man, and Big Hero 6—which I only mention as it was incredible and I'll likely not review it until never. So, I did just that. I watched it with her.

And… I actually liked it.

Sunday, October 21, 2018

Movie Review: One Missed Call (2008)

Yesterday, I reviewed 2014’s Ouija. In that review, I mentioned that that film is what happens when one begins to not challenge themselves with their craft; the slow, but steady downfall into beginning a cycle of the same song and dance. It's that downfall that progressively leads to one becoming less and less connected to what they create, until they eventually lose any and all connection with their craft.

It's at that point that they don't even try anymore, and the down spiral leads to works that don't resemble anything that could be considered acceptable by anyone with standards.

Case in point: One Missed Call.

Saturday, October 20, 2018

Movie Review: Ouija (2014)

I was loosely conversing with a friend last night. He'd linked a trailer for a film called The Curse of La Llorona. In no uncertain terms, I think it looks rather bad. Very generic, jump scares, and so on. To make matters worse, this is from the guy who will take over The Conjuring series! The humanity!

Okay, I'll admit: I overreacted—big time. I mostly did so for show as I'm nothing if not an Oscar-worthy performer. Alas, I also went overboard with it and i must say, it wasn't my best moment. But, one thing stuck with me. My friend told me I was hard to please. This struck a chord with me as I like to think that I'm a very fair and reasonable individual.

Too bad my blog doesn't really reflect that and seems to be a lot of whining about bad movies. So, I'll change that now with today's film: Ouija.

Sunday, October 14, 2018

Movie Review: Sinister II (2015)

I'm going to be honest: I went into Sinister II with expectations on par with those most would set for a new installment in the Saw franchise. Yet, amazingly, Sinister II managed to take those expectations and blow them deeper into the proverbial barrel that is the manufactured horror sequel; heartless, soulless, and complete garbage.

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Movie Review: The Devil Inside (2012)

I sometimes ponder to myself if I'm capable of making it in this world; if I have a snowball's chance in hell to ever get a book published, let alone be seen as remotely successful.

Then I watch a film like The Devil Inside and realize that yeah, I have a pretty good chance to succeed in the end.

Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Movie Review: Extraterrestrial (2014)

On paper, Extraterrestrial probably seemed like a great idea. A slasher film with aliens? I'd pay to see that! Throw in the brains behind the Grave Encounters series, some attractive leads, and Michael Ironside in a small role, and you've really sold me! What could possibly go wrong!?

Simple, they made the movie.

Monday, October 1, 2018

Movie Review: Slender Man (2018)

The story of the Slender Man is a very simple one. Once upon a time, there was an art contest on the forums of Something Awful to create something scary. One man photoshopped a tall, faceless man in a stylish suit in the background of a picture with kids playing. From there, the legend of Slender Man—a being who takes those who see him away—was born.

Now, this was around the turn of the decade; well over five years ago. At the height of his popularity, Slender Man was an indomitable figure in the way of internet horror. The video game Slender: The Eight Pages was immensely popular and was everywhere on platforms such as YouTube. So, had Slender Man been released around 2013, it may have felt relevant and perhaps even gotten some leeway from critics.

However, this is Sony Pictures we’re dealing with. They're nothing if not late to the party.